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the end of our beginning

To end our time of briefing in Los Angelos (Costa Mesa), our team along with the Japan team and some of the Bay area team decided to celebrate and relax by watching the midnight showing of Transformers. In fact, it was so relaxing that a lot of us ended up falling asleep during it. But of course, this movie wasn’t boring, we were just very tired. The movie provided a huge reminder for me as I began to think about what was in store for us as we were about to set off on our missions’ grounds in Hawaii, Japan, East Asia, and Bay area.

This wont be a spoiler by any chance, but this movie had some great fighting scenes. Sam wonders why he has to be involved with a battle that seems so much bigger than he is, later finding out that he is the source of it all. He watched and hid in fear as Optimus Prime defended and fought for his seemingly worthless human life, doing whatever it would take to keep him alive and away from the Decepticons. It was quite a scene when Optimus risked his life while fighting off over five transformers at the same time to protect the life of Sam.

I’m warning you right now, this will be cheesy, but stay with me. As Optimus Prime fought off over five Decepticons at once, I couldn’t help but think about the image of God fighting for us. It is the scene of being completely helpless compared to a power so much greater and incomparable to us. It is the feeling of not being able to do anything but sit and watch as our God submits his life to the point of death to defend our sinful lives. Sometimes we can’t do anything, and we need to allow God to go before us. We feel helpless at times, but it is in our helplessness that we realize the power of our Lord. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. (Ex. 14:14) When your understand that your efforts can only take you so far, then you see that your God has been fighting for you, defending you and protecting you from the evil one all along.

This picture I have in mind is also the picture I see when I read the beginning of Joshua. The encouragement God gives to Joshua is well known, but it’s always a good reminder. I can imagine the weight of stress that followed the death of Moses, and the wave of comfort Joshua felt while hearing God’s words. New responsibilities, new tasks, and new leadership. He had large shoes to fill and had to fulfill an overwhelming mission, but God said this:

“No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you. Be strong and courageous, for you shall cause this people to inherit the land that I swore to their fathers to give them. Only be strong and very courageous, being careful to do according to all the law that Moses my servant commanded you. Do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may have good success wherever you go.” Joshua 1:5-7

That passage comforts me as I think about the next six weeks coming up. God commands us to be only strong and courageous, and that is what I will be trying to be as we reach out to the people of this campus. God has been nothing but faithful so far. So as cheesy as this post was, I just wanted to express that I look forward for to what He has in store for us this amazing trip.

oliver...and twists currently in my life

my dog has been showing a lot of progress. hes starting to walk now which is great. its still sad to watch him, but hes able to stand up and walk. praise God!

yesterday was the first night of hcc college fellowship. it was nice seeing so many people from houston. the day before, pastor fred tow asked me to lead worship. i honestly expected maybe 10 people, but there were 30+ !! i was pretty nervous after seeing the turnout. i'm excited for the rest of time i will be here. lots of good fellowship to come!

i find out about my UT college admission on monday. i feel like the only one who hasnt found out yet. i still have to register for transfer orientation and work out housing logistics. i feel like a freshman again.

im excited for hawaii. i am at about 85% right now. God has really been providing. one way God has been testing my faith is by not giving me a job! by shutting down my options for work, God has really been revealing my selfishness behind my initial desire for a job - a desire that stems out of my lack of faith in His provision. i really just wanted a job to get money for my hawaii. now, i see that wasnt what God wanted.

two posts ago i wrote about having a prayer meeting within my core group of friends at home. well we did it, and it was awesome. i really look forward to the rest of the meetings and the transparency that will begin to unfold as we open up to each other. all thats happening now almost makes me want to stay in houston! but i know God has other plans for me this summer, so i am even more excited. i've never been to hawaii...!

ann is in lesotho! beverly is in east asia!they both seem to having a good time right now. pray for them!

very strange and sad order of events occuring

completely random and out of nowhere, oliver shows signs of paralysis in his back legs. monday night (5/25) he had to drag himself into the house from outside with his two front legs. its really sad to see. so we took him to the vet on tuesday around 2pm and turns out he either has a tumor or a slipped disc in his spine. this causes his brain signals to be blocked from his lower body leading him to not know where his legs are. he still has reflexes in them, but he cant control them. the symptoms point more towards slipped disc bc a tumor would be more gradual.

surgery would cost $4000-5000, and we dont have that kind of money to spend. without surgery, the doctor said he has about 2 weeks before we put him to sleep. all we can do is give him pain killers.

the strange and ironic thing is that i just saw marley and me ike 3 days ago! i laughed and joked thinking we had at least 3 years before anything serious happened to oliver :(

life at home

life at home has been a complete change of pace, but im starting to find a routine. i dont have any great revelations to write about, but i will update my blogger friends on my simple life.

coming home and seeing friends that ive known all throughout high school, yet never knew spiritually really made me want to do something. i've always separated my "school friends" from my "church friends" and really never cared to know my "school friends" spiritually at all. i've been content with segregating my friendships, neglecting to get to know people that are around me who dont go to the same church as me. all of this past year at utsa we've worked towards making our friendships Christ centered, and i believe its something that can be done at home as well. this past year, my "church friends" and my "school friends" all met and clumped into one big group of friends. now they are everybody's friends! i think the best, simplest place to start is with a prayer meeting. i really want to have a prayer meeting with the christians that are in my area. this has been something that has been on my heart for a while, so pray for me. pray for guidance,vision, and just clarity on what to do and how to do it.

my support raising for my summer project has been coming along slowly but surely. i am currently at 73% towards my goal of $4200. praise God! God has seriously been turning my doubts into securities. i still have a ways to go, so continue to pray for me.

out of the loop

ever since coming home from utsa i have been feeling pretty off. my whole routine that i have adjusted to has been completely wiped out. my motivation to blog has slowly gone down and i have been wasting time instead of diving into God's word. so keep me in your prayers

i am also going camping today for the first time! we're going at canyon lakes in san marcos. pray that things go well

i will not take my love away..

its late, but if i put off my blogging/journaling to later, i just never find the motivation to do it.

tonight was our last epic social, which was meant to be bittersweet because of sharing and worship. lemme tell you, spontaneity really makes you rely on God to provide, and when you do that, the result will be good. tonight was one of those times. tonight's sharing is evidence of how great God has been in all of our lives this whole past year. as we all shared about our before/afters of epic, it was so touching to see how we have all, in a way, influenced ones spiritual growth in one way or another. whether it was linking different groups of friends, to directly talking to someone about God, our lives have been affected in such a big way.

as i shared tonight, i was really able to see how much we need to depend on God, more specifically, how much God provides and WILL provide.

the past couple days i've been making a video of the whole past year, collaborating videos and pictures to sum up everything we've done this year. it took me a long time to do, but im so glad i did it. while watching the video along with the song "i will not take my love away" by matt wertz, i was just constantly reminded how God's hand has been part of every one of our friendships, how we've all changed so much this past year, and how much our fellowship has meshed and grown together as true brothers and sisters in Christ. i watched it maybe 20 times, and it almost brought me to the point of tears every time.

I will not take my love away. I will not take my love away.

those repeated lines were so strong as i thought about God directly saying that to me. i could hear God telling me, "i will not take my love way. not when you go to UT, not when a large portion of the epic fellowship leaves, not when you think there arent enough resources, and not when you lose sight of me." a big struggle of mine this year has been my constant debate on moving on to UT and staying in UTSA. i still dont know what it is God wants me to do, but i have a hard time discerning what it is God wants me to do. its hard for me to find the definite pathway of where God wants to lead me, of course, but at the same time, whether i choose utsa or ut, he is telling me, "I will not take my love away."

it wasnt until i looked at all these photos and videos that i was able piece together these bits and pieces to see the big picture. it wasnt until all these memories of mine were collaborated that i was able to have that "aha" moment where everything becomes clearer. not clear, just clearer. it suddenly became clearer that God was there in every one of those pictures and videos and he was the one piecing it all together. my experience at utsa has been a lasting memory, and i only look forward to what God has in store for me in the future.

stay tuned for my next post: what i've learned about leadership