Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
The Incomprehensibility and Knowability of God
I was reading through this section of my ESV study bible, and I wanted to write it down because it's something that is often discussed in bits in pieces, but rarely in fullness according to scripture. So, here is a brief overview of our ability to know God, and our inability to know God :)
The Incomprehensibility of God - it is ultimately impossible to know God FULLY:
1. God is infinite and his creatures are finite. I will die soon, but God will never die because he is eternal.
2. The perfect unity of God's attributes is far beyond the realm of human experience. "God's love, wrath, grace, justice, holiness, patience, and jealousy are continually functioning in a perfectly integrated yet infinitely complex way." In my interpretation, how in the world can one be both full of love and full of wrath? Fully just, and fully gracious? Incomprehensible.
3. The effects of sin on the minds of fallen humans also greatly inhibit the ability to know God. Romans 1:18-26
4. In his sovereign wisdom God has chosen not to reveal some things.
The Knowability of God - six key points. Our knowledge of God:
1. while God is incomprehensible, it shouldn't lead to apathy or despair. The Bible is also clear that God is fully knowable. "He can be known truly, personally, and sufficiently." Our spiritual growth depends on our knowledge of God:
3. It is the basis of attaining eternal life (John 17:3)
4. It is at the heart of life in the new covenant (Heb 8:11-12)
5. It was Paul's primary goal (Phil 3:10)
6. It leads to Godly love (1 John 4:7-8)
Implications of the Knowability of God - "God's personal and sufficent revelation of himself should foster solid conviction among believers." Most of the rising influence of religions and postmodern views nowadays likes to say that God is so incomprehensible that he is unknowable. "We should never grow apathetic in seeking to know God because we are in fact able and equipped to know him and to please him with our lives."
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now go learn what you can about God and rejoice in his incomprehensible nature!!
The Incomprehensibility of God - it is ultimately impossible to know God FULLY:
Great is our Lord, and greatly to be praised, and his greatness is unsearchable (Ps. 145:3)Why God is Incomprehensible - four main reasons:
Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! "For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor?" (Rom. 11:33-34)
1. God is infinite and his creatures are finite. I will die soon, but God will never die because he is eternal.
2. The perfect unity of God's attributes is far beyond the realm of human experience. "God's love, wrath, grace, justice, holiness, patience, and jealousy are continually functioning in a perfectly integrated yet infinitely complex way." In my interpretation, how in the world can one be both full of love and full of wrath? Fully just, and fully gracious? Incomprehensible.
3. The effects of sin on the minds of fallen humans also greatly inhibit the ability to know God. Romans 1:18-26
4. In his sovereign wisdom God has chosen not to reveal some things.
"The secret things belong to the LORD our GOd, but the things that are revealed belon to us and to our chihldren forever, that we may do all the words of this law" (Deut. 29:29)Implications of God's Incomprehensibility - since we can never fully understand God, we should be deeply humbled by the process of trying - realizing more and more the extent of our fallen nature while seeing the incomprehensible holiness of God's. The "appropriate response to God is a heart of wonder and awe in light of his incomprehensible greatness."
The Knowability of God - six key points. Our knowledge of God:
1. while God is incomprehensible, it shouldn't lead to apathy or despair. The Bible is also clear that God is fully knowable. "He can be known truly, personally, and sufficiently." Our spiritual growth depends on our knowledge of God:
2Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. 3His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. (2 Pet. 1:2-3)2. Knowledge of God in Christ should be our greatest delight (Jer. 9:23-24; 1 Cor. 2:2; Gal. 6:14)
3. It is the basis of attaining eternal life (John 17:3)
4. It is at the heart of life in the new covenant (Heb 8:11-12)
5. It was Paul's primary goal (Phil 3:10)
6. It leads to Godly love (1 John 4:7-8)
Implications of the Knowability of God - "God's personal and sufficent revelation of himself should foster solid conviction among believers." Most of the rising influence of religions and postmodern views nowadays likes to say that God is so incomprehensible that he is unknowable. "We should never grow apathetic in seeking to know God because we are in fact able and equipped to know him and to please him with our lives."
------
now go learn what you can about God and rejoice in his incomprehensible nature!!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
balancing = sin
Just had a quick conversation with a friend about glorifying God through everything we do. I need to write this before I forget it.
It’s so easy for me to see my spiritual, academic, and social life as a balancing act, like all of life needs to be done in balance to each other. It doesn’t sound too bad. It’s a simple statement that requires little thought and it often consumes my life. I’m not talking about the practical act of balancing, like physically doing one thing vs. another, but the mindset of balancing activities in our minds as if they are completely separate in nature.
While thinking about my future and what it means to glorify God in everything I do, I cant help but find so much sin in that way of thinking for a couple reasons. To me, it suggests that I need to compartmentalize my life in a way that is even - separate, but even. Separate because we can't do everything at once, and even, because if we don't separate evenly, then we will compromise one thing over another. Sounds fine, but it's not.
My recent revelation is that the mindset of balancing promotes that I put God into a box and store him away for however long is convenient to my schedule. That attitude puts God under the bed, no matter how big of a box it is. I’ve stored some expensive, important possessions of mine in boxes. When I moved to college, I stored my most valuable possessions and packed them away until I could open them later. Some things belong in boxes. You can't put God in a box, it's as silly as putting a house into a box. You can't, but we try. God is not a convenience matter, nor is it a compartmentalized one. When I put God into a box, I sin, and I become more and more numb to it as I face the challenges of multiple priorities.
If everything I do, from the smallest activities of eating and drinking to the big decisions of choosing a career, is done to glorify God, then NOTHING is balanced, nor compartmentalized. Instead, EVERYTHING is wholly devoted to one thing, God, but through different means.
So since everything I do should be in effort to glorify God, then I can't be limited in striving to see Him glorified through direct means only, but through indirect means, as well.
The question is not: "how do I balance my life efficiently," but should be, "How do I understand more fully how to glorify You even when I can't see the direct result."
Those direct results are what we experience when we sing worship songs, read the bible, or go to church. The indirect results are what we do when we don’t sing worship songs, read the bible, or go to church.
God is the giver of life, not just part of our lives.
It’s so easy for me to see my spiritual, academic, and social life as a balancing act, like all of life needs to be done in balance to each other. It doesn’t sound too bad. It’s a simple statement that requires little thought and it often consumes my life. I’m not talking about the practical act of balancing, like physically doing one thing vs. another, but the mindset of balancing activities in our minds as if they are completely separate in nature.
While thinking about my future and what it means to glorify God in everything I do, I cant help but find so much sin in that way of thinking for a couple reasons. To me, it suggests that I need to compartmentalize my life in a way that is even - separate, but even. Separate because we can't do everything at once, and even, because if we don't separate evenly, then we will compromise one thing over another. Sounds fine, but it's not.
My recent revelation is that the mindset of balancing promotes that I put God into a box and store him away for however long is convenient to my schedule. That attitude puts God under the bed, no matter how big of a box it is. I’ve stored some expensive, important possessions of mine in boxes. When I moved to college, I stored my most valuable possessions and packed them away until I could open them later. Some things belong in boxes. You can't put God in a box, it's as silly as putting a house into a box. You can't, but we try. God is not a convenience matter, nor is it a compartmentalized one. When I put God into a box, I sin, and I become more and more numb to it as I face the challenges of multiple priorities.
If everything I do, from the smallest activities of eating and drinking to the big decisions of choosing a career, is done to glorify God, then NOTHING is balanced, nor compartmentalized. Instead, EVERYTHING is wholly devoted to one thing, God, but through different means.
So since everything I do should be in effort to glorify God, then I can't be limited in striving to see Him glorified through direct means only, but through indirect means, as well.
The question is not: "how do I balance my life efficiently," but should be, "How do I understand more fully how to glorify You even when I can't see the direct result."
Those direct results are what we experience when we sing worship songs, read the bible, or go to church. The indirect results are what we do when we don’t sing worship songs, read the bible, or go to church.
God is the giver of life, not just part of our lives.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Light
I was reminded this past weekend of the meaning of fellowship. It was so refreshing to visit San Antonio and be reunited with my UTSA friends. I did as much homework as I could before the weekend came so that I could relax this weekend, and I'm glad I did. Friday night, we ate at a restaurant called Los Robertos, and let me tell you, they had the best burritos I've ever eaten in my entire life! To end the weekend, Kevin, Ryan, Loren, and I ate there again. Two nights in a row..it was gross, yet so good at the same time. This restaurant was so good that it inspired Ryan to start his food blog, so be on the look out.
Food aside, a picture of fellowship was drawn that had slowly slipped from me - fellowship beyond clutter, distractions, borders, or restrictions of a campus. This fellowship is organic, real, and it's authentic. Fellowship is so much more significant, simple, and sufficient than any school organization. It's a body of believers united by Him whom we walk with.
Sometimes I just need to remember to step back a bit. The complications and logistics of ministry can so easily take away from the purpose which we are called to. Last night we worshiped God together and simply loved each other as we prayed out loud for God to move on our campuses in UTSA and UT. It was encouraging and refreshing. I pray that God can continue to move students to passion wherever they are and restore purpose in our lives.
Food aside, a picture of fellowship was drawn that had slowly slipped from me - fellowship beyond clutter, distractions, borders, or restrictions of a campus. This fellowship is organic, real, and it's authentic. Fellowship is so much more significant, simple, and sufficient than any school organization. It's a body of believers united by Him whom we walk with.
Sometimes I just need to remember to step back a bit. The complications and logistics of ministry can so easily take away from the purpose which we are called to. Last night we worshiped God together and simply loved each other as we prayed out loud for God to move on our campuses in UTSA and UT. It was encouraging and refreshing. I pray that God can continue to move students to passion wherever they are and restore purpose in our lives.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
How he Loves
I've had countless encounters within the past week where I'm just reminded of how blessed I am to have such amazing parents. To conclude the Asian-ness series in Epic, Carita Chen talked about the importance of honoring God and your parents at the same time. Even though I didn't feel like I related to a lot of the "typical Asian issues," I was still reminded of how I need to honor my parents by showing that I love them.
Honestly, that's something I struggle with a lot when it comes to my relationship with my parents. I love my parents, they know I do, but expressing that to them is another story. Whether it's through email, phone, or text, this semester so far has shown me how much they value communicating with me. It's pretty funny, the emails and texts that I get from them. One random morning, my mom sent me a text saying, "Put God first." I smiled, and just went back to sleep.
Understanding the ways my parents show love towards me has helped me to feel their love so much more, especially now that I'm away from home. My mom likes to send me short texts and emails asking how I'm doing with school work, while my dad likes to buy me things, heh. My dad is a lot like me in the sense that he probably doesn't like to express how he feels towards me in the father-son situation, but when it comes to buying me stuff, he doesn't hesitate. This past summer was one of the first times in my life where I had genuinely sought out advice from my parents for my spiritual life. It started with me asking what books to buy. For example, I asked my dad what the best study bible was, and he bought an ESV study bible for me the next day. I asked him what books I should read, he found his C.S. Lewis books and gave me his copy of Screwtape Letters and Mere Christianity that looked like it was 30 years old. I asked him which devotional books he recommended, and he subscribed to Table Talk for me within a week. (BTW, I recommend that monthly devotional magazine to anyone who is looking for one with quality material.) My dad's concern for my spiritual life, as witnessed through his recent purchases for me, shows how he loves me.
The other day I talked to my parents about my relationship with a particular person who happens to be a good friend of the opposite gender. That was interesting. I have never talked to them about anything that deep. It was like I had just learned how to doggie paddle, and I deliberately jumped into the middle of the ocean with a foam noodle to keep me from swallowing too much salt water. But all in all, it wasn't suffocating or drowning. I felt closer with my parents as I slowly found my footing in the not-so-deep ocean floor. They gave me Godly advice on relationships that I truly value. Again, I'm thankful that I have two Godly parents who are able to pray for me and give me perspective. Hearing their perspective on my life was enlightening, and reminded me of how they love me.
Amidst all of these eye opening experiences, I was awakened even more as I listened to the devastating, yet life-giving story of a senior who has been visiting Epic the past couple weeks. His story reminded me how blessed I am to have parents who love me...to have parents who pray for me...to have parents who I can speak English with...to have parents. I don't want to say too much, and I don't want to spoil his testimony for you (he is going to be sharing at Epic this Wednesday), but what would you do if you lost both your parents unexpectedly within one year? To lose one parent would be both devastating and heart-breaking. To endure the loss of both would require persevering strength and endurance. It may even require one to reevaluate their faith in God. To see him hold back his tears was like watching a broken levee hold the vast ocean. I usually don't cry in public and I didn't of course, but I've never had to hold back tears so hard. I respect him so much for the pain and losses that he has endured.
All in all, the story of his painful losses and the subtle love from my parents as I've experienced through their limited love languages reminds me of the Creator how He loves me immeasurably in every single love language ever created. <3
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(my dad is in the picture up top! and do you like my perfect grammer??)
Honestly, that's something I struggle with a lot when it comes to my relationship with my parents. I love my parents, they know I do, but expressing that to them is another story. Whether it's through email, phone, or text, this semester so far has shown me how much they value communicating with me. It's pretty funny, the emails and texts that I get from them. One random morning, my mom sent me a text saying, "Put God first." I smiled, and just went back to sleep.
Understanding the ways my parents show love towards me has helped me to feel their love so much more, especially now that I'm away from home. My mom likes to send me short texts and emails asking how I'm doing with school work, while my dad likes to buy me things, heh. My dad is a lot like me in the sense that he probably doesn't like to express how he feels towards me in the father-son situation, but when it comes to buying me stuff, he doesn't hesitate. This past summer was one of the first times in my life where I had genuinely sought out advice from my parents for my spiritual life. It started with me asking what books to buy. For example, I asked my dad what the best study bible was, and he bought an ESV study bible for me the next day. I asked him what books I should read, he found his C.S. Lewis books and gave me his copy of Screwtape Letters and Mere Christianity that looked like it was 30 years old. I asked him which devotional books he recommended, and he subscribed to Table Talk for me within a week. (BTW, I recommend that monthly devotional magazine to anyone who is looking for one with quality material.) My dad's concern for my spiritual life, as witnessed through his recent purchases for me, shows how he loves me.
The other day I talked to my parents about my relationship with a particular person who happens to be a good friend of the opposite gender. That was interesting. I have never talked to them about anything that deep. It was like I had just learned how to doggie paddle, and I deliberately jumped into the middle of the ocean with a foam noodle to keep me from swallowing too much salt water. But all in all, it wasn't suffocating or drowning. I felt closer with my parents as I slowly found my footing in the not-so-deep ocean floor. They gave me Godly advice on relationships that I truly value. Again, I'm thankful that I have two Godly parents who are able to pray for me and give me perspective. Hearing their perspective on my life was enlightening, and reminded me of how they love me.
Amidst all of these eye opening experiences, I was awakened even more as I listened to the devastating, yet life-giving story of a senior who has been visiting Epic the past couple weeks. His story reminded me how blessed I am to have parents who love me...to have parents who pray for me...to have parents who I can speak English with...to have parents. I don't want to say too much, and I don't want to spoil his testimony for you (he is going to be sharing at Epic this Wednesday), but what would you do if you lost both your parents unexpectedly within one year? To lose one parent would be both devastating and heart-breaking. To endure the loss of both would require persevering strength and endurance. It may even require one to reevaluate their faith in God. To see him hold back his tears was like watching a broken levee hold the vast ocean. I usually don't cry in public and I didn't of course, but I've never had to hold back tears so hard. I respect him so much for the pain and losses that he has endured.
All in all, the story of his painful losses and the subtle love from my parents as I've experienced through their limited love languages reminds me of the Creator how He loves me immeasurably in every single love language ever created. <3
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(my dad is in the picture up top! and do you like my perfect grammer??)
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
ignorance is not bliss
somewhere in between my last entry and now, i have become slightly uncomfortable with the idea of so many people reading about my life. not that my life is important, but i like to believe that what i write is personal. looking back, i realize that my posts were more personal than i realized, and i think, "wow, i wrote that on internet?" even this short entry, i believe, is showing a piece of my heart thats revealing a deeper issue. what is that issue?
am i closing myself up? is closing up an effort to appear like everything is perfect in my life? am i lacking the God-given conviction that once led me to tell the whole world what he's been teaching me?
whatever the reason is, blogging is a good way for me to process God's work in my life, and when i dont do it, i dont process God's work. and since i haven't been making an effort to do it recently, maybe i've just been ignorant to what He's been doing all around me.
so whatever the point of this entry is, i've concluded that i was once vulnerable with the inter-network, and as scary as that is, it's something i will continue to do...later :)
am i closing myself up? is closing up an effort to appear like everything is perfect in my life? am i lacking the God-given conviction that once led me to tell the whole world what he's been teaching me?
whatever the reason is, blogging is a good way for me to process God's work in my life, and when i dont do it, i dont process God's work. and since i haven't been making an effort to do it recently, maybe i've just been ignorant to what He's been doing all around me.
so whatever the point of this entry is, i've concluded that i was once vulnerable with the inter-network, and as scary as that is, it's something i will continue to do...later :)
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
snapshot
of my life right now.
currently i am:
-a little bit stressed over my first advertising test. its on tuesday and this test sets the pace for the class...this class sets the pace for the rest of my (advertising) career! at least from my current limited perspective
-anxious about epic leadership. i've been given leadership opportunities left and right, and i am excited/nervous about how i will live up to the roles. i thought this year would be a complete opposite of utsa, but i feel like i have more responsibilities now. i think God really has prepared me in so many ways through my fellowship at utsa, and i can see how God has allowed me to experience things for a reason.
-tired just getting back from san antonio at 1am to witness alex liu's baptism at alamo stone. it was awesome seeing old friends again. i had to do some studying when i got back and also have church at 9am.
-learning to develop a heart for prayer. along with a heart for prayer, im learning to be sensitized to the things i have been desensitized towards. i am insensitive towards God (and towards others a lot of times)
for they have been from of old.
currently i am:
-a little bit stressed over my first advertising test. its on tuesday and this test sets the pace for the class...this class sets the pace for the rest of my (advertising) career! at least from my current limited perspective
-anxious about epic leadership. i've been given leadership opportunities left and right, and i am excited/nervous about how i will live up to the roles. i thought this year would be a complete opposite of utsa, but i feel like i have more responsibilities now. i think God really has prepared me in so many ways through my fellowship at utsa, and i can see how God has allowed me to experience things for a reason.
-tired just getting back from san antonio at 1am to witness alex liu's baptism at alamo stone. it was awesome seeing old friends again. i had to do some studying when i got back and also have church at 9am.
-learning to develop a heart for prayer. along with a heart for prayer, im learning to be sensitized to the things i have been desensitized towards. i am insensitive towards God (and towards others a lot of times)
Psalm 25:4-6 (English Standard Version)
4 Make me to know your ways, O LORD;
teach me your paths.
5Lead me in your truth and teach me,
for you are the God of my salvation;
for you I wait all the day long.
for they have been from of old.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
where would you go?
today i had a friendly conversation with a guy named "bob". it was a typical get-to-know-you conversation which quickly turned into a here-is-what-we-believe conversation, which slowly turned into a how-can-i-believe-in-a-god-that-allows-so-much-hurt conversation.
a couple day ago, i met a guy, "joe", who recently accepted Christ. i talked to him for a couple hours about his testimony and how he felt to be a christian. he said this:
shortly after, i realized that i often ask myself the wrong questions. i sometimes talk to people as if my words can change their lives. as if i could say the right things at the right times, and then they will come to the realization that God does truly exist, or that there really is life after death. and then when the right time comes, at the climax of the conversation, this question will roll off my tongue: if you were to die tomorrow, where would you go?
i wonder what it would look like if i asked this question instead: if they were to die tomorrow, how could i treat them differently right now?
would it change the way i treated them and talked to them? would it make me love them more? would it make me share the gospel with them more passionately?
i think i lack urgency when i see my friends. i rely on "later" instead of now. i tell myself i need to build this awesome trusting and perfect friendship before i can say anything spiritual. i lose sight of the future and only think of now. maybe a change in my perspective would change the way i treated the people around me
a couple day ago, i met a guy, "joe", who recently accepted Christ. i talked to him for a couple hours about his testimony and how he felt to be a christian. he said this:
i just became christian before this summer. i used to be atheist. you dont want to be atheist. i had suicidal thoughts all the time...i had no hope. all i could think about was how I wanted to change MY life. i was selfish. it never occurred to me that there was a God out there. when i found God, i found the purpose of life.tonight when i thought about what he said in relation to bob, i just started crying. the fact that "bob" could possibly be going through what joe went through is heart breaking. it scares me that he doesnt believe in God. i wonder how one can live life without knowing God. how can anything in life have any purpose at all without God?
shortly after, i realized that i often ask myself the wrong questions. i sometimes talk to people as if my words can change their lives. as if i could say the right things at the right times, and then they will come to the realization that God does truly exist, or that there really is life after death. and then when the right time comes, at the climax of the conversation, this question will roll off my tongue: if you were to die tomorrow, where would you go?
i wonder what it would look like if i asked this question instead: if they were to die tomorrow, how could i treat them differently right now?
would it change the way i treated them and talked to them? would it make me love them more? would it make me share the gospel with them more passionately?
i think i lack urgency when i see my friends. i rely on "later" instead of now. i tell myself i need to build this awesome trusting and perfect friendship before i can say anything spiritual. i lose sight of the future and only think of now. maybe a change in my perspective would change the way i treated the people around me
Monday, August 24, 2009
first full day of...
today marked my first full day in austin. it was quite an experience, full of good and bad. let me tell you, i have never felt so comfortable in my life. good, right? yes. well, no. maybe yes, but maybe no. most likely a combination of both, i'm leaning towards no. the day started off with going to austin stone. i never felt so comfortable about being a christian. it was such a safe place to be christian. of course that's a good thing. a church that can create an environment that makes you feel good about being a christian is definitely a plus. i was so comfortable that it made me uncomfortable. i was uncomfortable about being comfortable...why is that?
seeing all these asians here is pretty funny. its like when i was in hawaii this summer for summer project. being asian, i was part of the majority for once. here, i feel so comfortable about being asian. its like i wont ever experience a racist joke ever again from here on out. well, thats a lie. i know thats not realistic, but who dares to mess with an asian when they're outnumbered a million to one. being comfortable in my identity almost makes me uncomfortable. its weird, why is that..
then back on campus im reminded of the same environment as austin stones' as i walk throughout the campus. yesterday i was walking along the campus, and i saw about five christian groups promoting their organizations. i had never seen so many christian fellowships gathered in one place to promote what they believed in. christians are everywhere, and i feel a little uneasy about it. not because i dont like christians, but because christians are so comfortable with being christian, and non christians are comfortable with seeing christians, as if they were just another campus organization among many.
i sometimes wonder what it would be like to live in Jesus' time, after he had ascended up to heaven. imagine if the disciples were as comfortable with their faith as we are. what would it have looked like? they for sure wouldnt have persecuted. peter wouldnt have denied Jesus 3 times, judas wouldnt have hanged himself, and peter wouldnt have been crucified on a cross upside down. how were they able to share the gospel despite their measure of persecution? how are WE not able to share the gospel to the lost despite our lack of persecution? i dont think the 12 disciples would have been able to reach as many people as they did if they lived like we do.
maybe what im getting at is this: why do we strive for a comfortable lifestyle, faith, and future when God calls us to be anything BUT comfortable? in john 20:19 we see how the disciples reacted to the death of Jesus. "on the evening of that day, the first day of the week, the doors being LOCKED where the disciples were for FEAR of the jews..." despite their fear, Jesus returns to them and says this, "as the Father has SENT me, even so I am SENDING you." the power that sent Jesus Christ to die on a cross is the same power that sends us among the people around us.
i write this not because i get it and no one else does, but because i struggle to get it. being a christian in america has been a blessing and a curse, but right now i see it as a curse. sometimes, like now, i just wish i could go to china to experience an uncomfortable faith...
seeing all these asians here is pretty funny. its like when i was in hawaii this summer for summer project. being asian, i was part of the majority for once. here, i feel so comfortable about being asian. its like i wont ever experience a racist joke ever again from here on out. well, thats a lie. i know thats not realistic, but who dares to mess with an asian when they're outnumbered a million to one. being comfortable in my identity almost makes me uncomfortable. its weird, why is that..
then back on campus im reminded of the same environment as austin stones' as i walk throughout the campus. yesterday i was walking along the campus, and i saw about five christian groups promoting their organizations. i had never seen so many christian fellowships gathered in one place to promote what they believed in. christians are everywhere, and i feel a little uneasy about it. not because i dont like christians, but because christians are so comfortable with being christian, and non christians are comfortable with seeing christians, as if they were just another campus organization among many.
i sometimes wonder what it would be like to live in Jesus' time, after he had ascended up to heaven. imagine if the disciples were as comfortable with their faith as we are. what would it have looked like? they for sure wouldnt have persecuted. peter wouldnt have denied Jesus 3 times, judas wouldnt have hanged himself, and peter wouldnt have been crucified on a cross upside down. how were they able to share the gospel despite their measure of persecution? how are WE not able to share the gospel to the lost despite our lack of persecution? i dont think the 12 disciples would have been able to reach as many people as they did if they lived like we do.
maybe what im getting at is this: why do we strive for a comfortable lifestyle, faith, and future when God calls us to be anything BUT comfortable? in john 20:19 we see how the disciples reacted to the death of Jesus. "on the evening of that day, the first day of the week, the doors being LOCKED where the disciples were for FEAR of the jews..." despite their fear, Jesus returns to them and says this, "as the Father has SENT me, even so I am SENDING you." the power that sent Jesus Christ to die on a cross is the same power that sends us among the people around us.
i write this not because i get it and no one else does, but because i struggle to get it. being a christian in america has been a blessing and a curse, but right now i see it as a curse. sometimes, like now, i just wish i could go to china to experience an uncomfortable faith...
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
3 cavities
today i was humbled. not in the traditional i-am-so-inadequate-compared-to-God way, but in the i-havent-looked-at-it-like-that-lately kind of way...which sort of does equate to the traditional way, except i was reminded in a nontraditional way. long story short, i went to the dentist today and found out that i have three cavities.
short story long. i brush my teeth thoroughly at least twice a day and floss once a day. i even wear my retainer [at least] three times a week (not that it affects my teeth)! pretty standard right? last school year i didnt even drink soda. ok maybe once a week on fridays when i felt really rebellious. but really, with those habits, how do you get cavities? how do you not have perfect teeth?
so its pretty ironic, because i leave for austin tomorrow. jokingly, i said to a friend, "wouldn't it suck if i found out that i had cavities then had to come back labor day to get them filled?" But really i'm thinking, "me with cavities? yeah right!"
while my new dentist was examining my teeth with her pitchfork and mirror, she makes awkward small talk, which wasnt really small talk. she was talking about church and asking about my dad being a pastor. i badly wanted to explain myself, but the only words i could say were "uhhuh" and "nu uh". in between that, she nonchalantly goes "you've got three small cavities." and that was all she said. then she turns toward her assistant and tells her about not being able to take her son to schlitterbahn.
so many thoughts began to circle my mind. was she serious? how small are they? do i need to do anything about it? can i get them filled now and get it over with? do i even have to get them filled? how do i even have cavities in the first place?
she finished cleaning my teeth shortly after that, and tells me i can make my way towards the front to get a statement about the cavities. thoughts still running through my mind, i approach my dentist and ask her some questions about the cavities in my mouth. here is what she said:
i nodded in understanding, filled out my papers, and left the office with a little smile. a little smile because it was comforting to know that my cavities weren't caused by a lack of anything that i did, but rather because of the way my teeth were formed. and a little smile because it was comforting to know that even though there is nothing on earth that i could possibly do to make myself worthy of His presence, the holes in my life have already been filled by Him.
short story long. i brush my teeth thoroughly at least twice a day and floss once a day. i even wear my retainer [at least] three times a week (not that it affects my teeth)! pretty standard right? last school year i didnt even drink soda. ok maybe once a week on fridays when i felt really rebellious. but really, with those habits, how do you get cavities? how do you not have perfect teeth?
so its pretty ironic, because i leave for austin tomorrow. jokingly, i said to a friend, "wouldn't it suck if i found out that i had cavities then had to come back labor day to get them filled?" But really i'm thinking, "me with cavities? yeah right!"
while my new dentist was examining my teeth with her pitchfork and mirror, she makes awkward small talk, which wasnt really small talk. she was talking about church and asking about my dad being a pastor. i badly wanted to explain myself, but the only words i could say were "uhhuh" and "nu uh". in between that, she nonchalantly goes "you've got three small cavities." and that was all she said. then she turns toward her assistant and tells her about not being able to take her son to schlitterbahn.
so many thoughts began to circle my mind. was she serious? how small are they? do i need to do anything about it? can i get them filled now and get it over with? do i even have to get them filled? how do i even have cavities in the first place?
she finished cleaning my teeth shortly after that, and tells me i can make my way towards the front to get a statement about the cavities. thoughts still running through my mind, i approach my dentist and ask her some questions about the cavities in my mouth. here is what she said:
You have three small cavities in your mouth. they're hard to see, but they're there. you have to get them filled or else they will get bigger. you dont have to get them filled now, but its highly recommended that you do get them filled. it could stay the same size, it could get bigger, but it wont get smaller. see, the cavity is in a crevice so deep and small that brushing could never reach it. when you were younger, you probably got these crevices covered to prevent these cavities, but over time these coverings go away and your teeth become more vulnerable. it's not that you dont brush or floss your teeth enough. in fact, no matter how much you floss and brush your teeth, you can't prevent these kind of cavities. its because of the anatomy of your teeth that bacteria will get into the deepest parts of the tooth and just hide there. it's simply the way they are shaped..the way they are designed..and you need to get them filled.
i nodded in understanding, filled out my papers, and left the office with a little smile. a little smile because it was comforting to know that my cavities weren't caused by a lack of anything that i did, but rather because of the way my teeth were formed. and a little smile because it was comforting to know that even though there is nothing on earth that i could possibly do to make myself worthy of His presence, the holes in my life have already been filled by Him.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
the start of the end of the beginning
so now im back to this blog. im back from hawaii after being there for 7 weeks. this summer is winding down and school is about to start. God grew me so much this summer and prepared me for things i never thought of. this last week in houston has been so hectic. with less than four days left here, everybody wants to hang out. not enough time here!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
the end of our beginning
To end our time of briefing in Los Angelos (Costa Mesa), our team along with the Japan team and some of the Bay area team decided to celebrate and relax by watching the midnight showing of Transformers. In fact, it was so relaxing that a lot of us ended up falling asleep during it. But of course, this movie wasn’t boring, we were just very tired. The movie provided a huge reminder for me as I began to think about what was in store for us as we were about to set off on our missions’ grounds in Hawaii, Japan, East Asia, and Bay area.
This wont be a spoiler by any chance, but this movie had some great fighting scenes. Sam wonders why he has to be involved with a battle that seems so much bigger than he is, later finding out that he is the source of it all. He watched and hid in fear as Optimus Prime defended and fought for his seemingly worthless human life, doing whatever it would take to keep him alive and away from the Decepticons. It was quite a scene when Optimus risked his life while fighting off over five transformers at the same time to protect the life of Sam.
I’m warning you right now, this will be cheesy, but stay with me. As Optimus Prime fought off over five Decepticons at once, I couldn’t help but think about the image of God fighting for us. It is the scene of being completely helpless compared to a power so much greater and incomparable to us. It is the feeling of not being able to do anything but sit and watch as our God submits his life to the point of death to defend our sinful lives. Sometimes we can’t do anything, and we need to allow God to go before us. We feel helpless at times, but it is in our helplessness that we realize the power of our Lord. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. (Ex. 14:14) When your understand that your efforts can only take you so far, then you see that your God has been fighting for you, defending you and protecting you from the evil one all along.
This picture I have in mind is also the picture I see when I read the beginning of Joshua. The encouragement God gives to Joshua is well known, but it’s always a good reminder. I can imagine the weight of stress that followed the death of Moses, and the wave of comfort Joshua felt while hearing God’s words. New responsibilities, new tasks, and new leadership. He had large shoes to fill and had to fulfill an overwhelming mission, but God said this:
That passage comforts me as I think about the next six weeks coming up. God commands us to be only strong and courageous, and that is what I will be trying to be as we reach out to the people of this campus. God has been nothing but faithful so far. So as cheesy as this post was, I just wanted to express that I look forward for to what He has in store for us this amazing trip.
This wont be a spoiler by any chance, but this movie had some great fighting scenes. Sam wonders why he has to be involved with a battle that seems so much bigger than he is, later finding out that he is the source of it all. He watched and hid in fear as Optimus Prime defended and fought for his seemingly worthless human life, doing whatever it would take to keep him alive and away from the Decepticons. It was quite a scene when Optimus risked his life while fighting off over five transformers at the same time to protect the life of Sam.
I’m warning you right now, this will be cheesy, but stay with me. As Optimus Prime fought off over five Decepticons at once, I couldn’t help but think about the image of God fighting for us. It is the scene of being completely helpless compared to a power so much greater and incomparable to us. It is the feeling of not being able to do anything but sit and watch as our God submits his life to the point of death to defend our sinful lives. Sometimes we can’t do anything, and we need to allow God to go before us. We feel helpless at times, but it is in our helplessness that we realize the power of our Lord. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. (Ex. 14:14) When your understand that your efforts can only take you so far, then you see that your God has been fighting for you, defending you and protecting you from the evil one all along.
This picture I have in mind is also the picture I see when I read the beginning of Joshua. The encouragement God gives to Joshua is well known, but it’s always a good reminder. I can imagine the weight of stress that followed the death of Moses, and the wave of comfort Joshua felt while hearing God’s words. New responsibilities, new tasks, and new leadership. He had large shoes to fill and had to fulfill an overwhelming mission, but God said this:
“No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you. Be strong and courageous, for you shall cause this people to inherit the land that I swore to their fathers to give them. Only be strong and very courageous, being careful to do according to all the law that Moses my servant commanded you. Do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may have good success wherever you go.” Joshua 1:5-7
That passage comforts me as I think about the next six weeks coming up. God commands us to be only strong and courageous, and that is what I will be trying to be as we reach out to the people of this campus. God has been nothing but faithful so far. So as cheesy as this post was, I just wanted to express that I look forward for to what He has in store for us this amazing trip.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
oliver...and twists currently in my life
my dog has been showing a lot of progress. hes starting to walk now which is great. its still sad to watch him, but hes able to stand up and walk. praise God!
yesterday was the first night of hcc college fellowship. it was nice seeing so many people from houston. the day before, pastor fred tow asked me to lead worship. i honestly expected maybe 10 people, but there were 30+ !! i was pretty nervous after seeing the turnout. i'm excited for the rest of time i will be here. lots of good fellowship to come!
i find out about my UT college admission on monday. i feel like the only one who hasnt found out yet. i still have to register for transfer orientation and work out housing logistics. i feel like a freshman again.
im excited for hawaii. i am at about 85% right now. God has really been providing. one way God has been testing my faith is by not giving me a job! by shutting down my options for work, God has really been revealing my selfishness behind my initial desire for a job - a desire that stems out of my lack of faith in His provision. i really just wanted a job to get money for my hawaii. now, i see that wasnt what God wanted.
two posts ago i wrote about having a prayer meeting within my core group of friends at home. well we did it, and it was awesome. i really look forward to the rest of the meetings and the transparency that will begin to unfold as we open up to each other. all thats happening now almost makes me want to stay in houston! but i know God has other plans for me this summer, so i am even more excited. i've never been to hawaii...!
ann is in lesotho! beverly is in east asia!they both seem to having a good time right now. pray for them!
yesterday was the first night of hcc college fellowship. it was nice seeing so many people from houston. the day before, pastor fred tow asked me to lead worship. i honestly expected maybe 10 people, but there were 30+ !! i was pretty nervous after seeing the turnout. i'm excited for the rest of time i will be here. lots of good fellowship to come!
i find out about my UT college admission on monday. i feel like the only one who hasnt found out yet. i still have to register for transfer orientation and work out housing logistics. i feel like a freshman again.
im excited for hawaii. i am at about 85% right now. God has really been providing. one way God has been testing my faith is by not giving me a job! by shutting down my options for work, God has really been revealing my selfishness behind my initial desire for a job - a desire that stems out of my lack of faith in His provision. i really just wanted a job to get money for my hawaii. now, i see that wasnt what God wanted.
two posts ago i wrote about having a prayer meeting within my core group of friends at home. well we did it, and it was awesome. i really look forward to the rest of the meetings and the transparency that will begin to unfold as we open up to each other. all thats happening now almost makes me want to stay in houston! but i know God has other plans for me this summer, so i am even more excited. i've never been to hawaii...!
ann is in lesotho! beverly is in east asia!they both seem to having a good time right now. pray for them!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
very strange and sad order of events occuring
completely random and out of nowhere, oliver shows signs of paralysis in his back legs. monday night (5/25) he had to drag himself into the house from outside with his two front legs. its really sad to see. so we took him to the vet on tuesday around 2pm and turns out he either has a tumor or a slipped disc in his spine. this causes his brain signals to be blocked from his lower body leading him to not know where his legs are. he still has reflexes in them, but he cant control them. the symptoms point more towards slipped disc bc a tumor would be more gradual.
surgery would cost $4000-5000, and we dont have that kind of money to spend. without surgery, the doctor said he has about 2 weeks before we put him to sleep. all we can do is give him pain killers.
the strange and ironic thing is that i just saw marley and me ike 3 days ago! i laughed and joked thinking we had at least 3 years before anything serious happened to oliver :(
surgery would cost $4000-5000, and we dont have that kind of money to spend. without surgery, the doctor said he has about 2 weeks before we put him to sleep. all we can do is give him pain killers.
the strange and ironic thing is that i just saw marley and me ike 3 days ago! i laughed and joked thinking we had at least 3 years before anything serious happened to oliver :(
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
life at home
life at home has been a complete change of pace, but im starting to find a routine. i dont have any great revelations to write about, but i will update my blogger friends on my simple life.
coming home and seeing friends that ive known all throughout high school, yet never knew spiritually really made me want to do something. i've always separated my "school friends" from my "church friends" and really never cared to know my "school friends" spiritually at all. i've been content with segregating my friendships, neglecting to get to know people that are around me who dont go to the same church as me. all of this past year at utsa we've worked towards making our friendships Christ centered, and i believe its something that can be done at home as well. this past year, my "church friends" and my "school friends" all met and clumped into one big group of friends. now they are everybody's friends! i think the best, simplest place to start is with a prayer meeting. i really want to have a prayer meeting with the christians that are in my area. this has been something that has been on my heart for a while, so pray for me. pray for guidance,vision, and just clarity on what to do and how to do it.
my support raising for my summer project has been coming along slowly but surely. i am currently at 73% towards my goal of $4200. praise God! God has seriously been turning my doubts into securities. i still have a ways to go, so continue to pray for me.
coming home and seeing friends that ive known all throughout high school, yet never knew spiritually really made me want to do something. i've always separated my "school friends" from my "church friends" and really never cared to know my "school friends" spiritually at all. i've been content with segregating my friendships, neglecting to get to know people that are around me who dont go to the same church as me. all of this past year at utsa we've worked towards making our friendships Christ centered, and i believe its something that can be done at home as well. this past year, my "church friends" and my "school friends" all met and clumped into one big group of friends. now they are everybody's friends! i think the best, simplest place to start is with a prayer meeting. i really want to have a prayer meeting with the christians that are in my area. this has been something that has been on my heart for a while, so pray for me. pray for guidance,vision, and just clarity on what to do and how to do it.
my support raising for my summer project has been coming along slowly but surely. i am currently at 73% towards my goal of $4200. praise God! God has seriously been turning my doubts into securities. i still have a ways to go, so continue to pray for me.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
out of the loop
ever since coming home from utsa i have been feeling pretty off. my whole routine that i have adjusted to has been completely wiped out. my motivation to blog has slowly gone down and i have been wasting time instead of diving into God's word. so keep me in your prayers
i am also going camping today for the first time! we're going at canyon lakes in san marcos. pray that things go well
i am also going camping today for the first time! we're going at canyon lakes in san marcos. pray that things go well
Friday, May 1, 2009
i will not take my love away..
its late, but if i put off my blogging/journaling to later, i just never find the motivation to do it.
tonight was our last epic social, which was meant to be bittersweet because of sharing and worship. lemme tell you, spontaneity really makes you rely on God to provide, and when you do that, the result will be good. tonight was one of those times. tonight's sharing is evidence of how great God has been in all of our lives this whole past year. as we all shared about our before/afters of epic, it was so touching to see how we have all, in a way, influenced ones spiritual growth in one way or another. whether it was linking different groups of friends, to directly talking to someone about God, our lives have been affected in such a big way.
as i shared tonight, i was really able to see how much we need to depend on God, more specifically, how much God provides and WILL provide.
the past couple days i've been making a video of the whole past year, collaborating videos and pictures to sum up everything we've done this year. it took me a long time to do, but im so glad i did it. while watching the video along with the song "i will not take my love away" by matt wertz, i was just constantly reminded how God's hand has been part of every one of our friendships, how we've all changed so much this past year, and how much our fellowship has meshed and grown together as true brothers and sisters in Christ. i watched it maybe 20 times, and it almost brought me to the point of tears every time.
I will not take my love away. I will not take my love away.
those repeated lines were so strong as i thought about God directly saying that to me. i could hear God telling me, "i will not take my love way. not when you go to UT, not when a large portion of the epic fellowship leaves, not when you think there arent enough resources, and not when you lose sight of me." a big struggle of mine this year has been my constant debate on moving on to UT and staying in UTSA. i still dont know what it is God wants me to do, but i have a hard time discerning what it is God wants me to do. its hard for me to find the definite pathway of where God wants to lead me, of course, but at the same time, whether i choose utsa or ut, he is telling me, "I will not take my love away."
it wasnt until i looked at all these photos and videos that i was able piece together these bits and pieces to see the big picture. it wasnt until all these memories of mine were collaborated that i was able to have that "aha" moment where everything becomes clearer. not clear, just clearer. it suddenly became clearer that God was there in every one of those pictures and videos and he was the one piecing it all together. my experience at utsa has been a lasting memory, and i only look forward to what God has in store for me in the future.
stay tuned for my next post: what i've learned about leadership
tonight was our last epic social, which was meant to be bittersweet because of sharing and worship. lemme tell you, spontaneity really makes you rely on God to provide, and when you do that, the result will be good. tonight was one of those times. tonight's sharing is evidence of how great God has been in all of our lives this whole past year. as we all shared about our before/afters of epic, it was so touching to see how we have all, in a way, influenced ones spiritual growth in one way or another. whether it was linking different groups of friends, to directly talking to someone about God, our lives have been affected in such a big way.
as i shared tonight, i was really able to see how much we need to depend on God, more specifically, how much God provides and WILL provide.
the past couple days i've been making a video of the whole past year, collaborating videos and pictures to sum up everything we've done this year. it took me a long time to do, but im so glad i did it. while watching the video along with the song "i will not take my love away" by matt wertz, i was just constantly reminded how God's hand has been part of every one of our friendships, how we've all changed so much this past year, and how much our fellowship has meshed and grown together as true brothers and sisters in Christ. i watched it maybe 20 times, and it almost brought me to the point of tears every time.
I will not take my love away. I will not take my love away.
those repeated lines were so strong as i thought about God directly saying that to me. i could hear God telling me, "i will not take my love way. not when you go to UT, not when a large portion of the epic fellowship leaves, not when you think there arent enough resources, and not when you lose sight of me." a big struggle of mine this year has been my constant debate on moving on to UT and staying in UTSA. i still dont know what it is God wants me to do, but i have a hard time discerning what it is God wants me to do. its hard for me to find the definite pathway of where God wants to lead me, of course, but at the same time, whether i choose utsa or ut, he is telling me, "I will not take my love away."
it wasnt until i looked at all these photos and videos that i was able piece together these bits and pieces to see the big picture. it wasnt until all these memories of mine were collaborated that i was able to have that "aha" moment where everything becomes clearer. not clear, just clearer. it suddenly became clearer that God was there in every one of those pictures and videos and he was the one piecing it all together. my experience at utsa has been a lasting memory, and i only look forward to what God has in store for me in the future.
stay tuned for my next post: what i've learned about leadership
Saturday, April 25, 2009
the 2nd thing
the second thing this experience revealed to me, was the importance of leaders to mesh and understanding different peoples strengths and weakness. when i look at us four leaders in epic, its pretty clear how we work. alex is the visionary, while joann, james, and i are all more the administrative type. this can definitely have its strengths, but only when learned how to apply it. for example, it is important for a visionary to come up with big plans and see the bigger picture. at the same time, the administrative types need to look at the logistics of the situations. however, when working at two completely opposite ends, the big and small picture, conflict can easily arise. things can become messy and opposing viewpoints may become a stressful. "how are we supposed to effectively reach out to so and so on campus if we dont have _____, ____, and ___!!" for these strengths to be capitalized, they need to be working from the same angle - an angle that both parties can agree upon and start from. by creating this starting point, both points of views can work towards the same goal.
and thats why it's so important for people to understand how each others leadership styles are and where everyones strengths are. as we've worked together this year in epic, i can definitely say that we've all learned a lot about leading and what it means to be a leader. i look forward to what i will learn later in life.
until then, bye.
and thats why it's so important for people to understand how each others leadership styles are and where everyones strengths are. as we've worked together this year in epic, i can definitely say that we've all learned a lot about leading and what it means to be a leader. i look forward to what i will learn later in life.
until then, bye.
moments like these
tonight was one of those moments...one of those moments where the bigger picture suddenly becomes clear, and you realize how little you are compared to God. in a multitude of big and subtle ways, God has been reminding me how much i need to rely on God, and not on myself.
tonight was our first ever annual talent show for epic. i'd be lying if i said i thought it was going to be awesome from start to finish and that i knew God would provide for everything. but the truth is, i felt uneasy about many things, simply because of all the uncertainties.
this revealed a couple things to me. first, it revealed to me the need to rely on God, especially when things arent certain or clear to me. this is extremely applicable to me as i am currently raising funds for my missions trip to hawaii. i like to be certain about things, and not knowing when or how i am getting money is very scary for me. i like to look at the details. i like to look at the logistics, then pan my way out towards the big picture. maybe theres a lot of people like this, maybe not, but it really prevented me from seeing the bigger picture, God's picture.
it prevented me from seeing what God had in plan, and it prevented me from putting my full faith in God's all-knowing power. my reliance on myself was in full-swing as i failed to look at what God's bigger picture was really about. it wasnt about the small technicalities that i knew would be tough from the start...it wasnt the lack of resources and lack of time that made things so nerve-wrecking...and it certainly wasnt my halfhearted, reliance on my measly self. shortly after the show had started, and after the stress had begun to wear off, the bigger picture became clear to me...it was one of those moments. we were all sitting in the back of the stage, sitting and waiting while listening to the beautiful voice of one of the female singing performers who had showed up 30 minutes prior to the act. and as i made brief eye contact with joann, i knew for that very moment, she was feeling what i was feeling (as for james too, but at a much later time). it was both powerful and humbling. God works in ways so that his glory can be shown through the weak.
i will post the second thing i learned in a couple days...
tonight was our first ever annual talent show for epic. i'd be lying if i said i thought it was going to be awesome from start to finish and that i knew God would provide for everything. but the truth is, i felt uneasy about many things, simply because of all the uncertainties.
this revealed a couple things to me. first, it revealed to me the need to rely on God, especially when things arent certain or clear to me. this is extremely applicable to me as i am currently raising funds for my missions trip to hawaii. i like to be certain about things, and not knowing when or how i am getting money is very scary for me. i like to look at the details. i like to look at the logistics, then pan my way out towards the big picture. maybe theres a lot of people like this, maybe not, but it really prevented me from seeing the bigger picture, God's picture.
it prevented me from seeing what God had in plan, and it prevented me from putting my full faith in God's all-knowing power. my reliance on myself was in full-swing as i failed to look at what God's bigger picture was really about. it wasnt about the small technicalities that i knew would be tough from the start...it wasnt the lack of resources and lack of time that made things so nerve-wrecking...and it certainly wasnt my halfhearted, reliance on my measly self. shortly after the show had started, and after the stress had begun to wear off, the bigger picture became clear to me...it was one of those moments. we were all sitting in the back of the stage, sitting and waiting while listening to the beautiful voice of one of the female singing performers who had showed up 30 minutes prior to the act. and as i made brief eye contact with joann, i knew for that very moment, she was feeling what i was feeling (as for james too, but at a much later time). it was both powerful and humbling. God works in ways so that his glory can be shown through the weak.
i will post the second thing i learned in a couple days...
Monday, April 20, 2009
my parents are human
this really made think twice about the way i deal with my parents. i used to be quite the typical rebellious teenager, and sometimes i find myself going back that. things have changed a lot since ive gone off to college, changed for the good. that is something i am so thankful for in regards to me moving away for college.
this really made think twice about the way i deal with my parents. i used to be quite the typical rebellious teenager, and sometimes i find myself going back that. things have changed a lot since ive gone off to college, changed for the good. that is something i am so thankful for in regards to me moving away for college.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
i need $4200 by June 20th
if i havent already told you, this summer i have been given the opportunity to minister to the locals in Hawaii with Epic for 7 weeks. if you are here from clicking my link on facebook, then i would like to thank you for actually making that little step. i know its easy to glance over the notes on facebook and skim through without a thought. the following is a letter that i gave out to a lot of people in my home church:
To bring you up to date, I am finishing my freshman year of college at the University of Texas at San Antonio, and I will be continuing my education in UT Austin in the fall. I have learned much about my faith, and it has grown tremendously. This summer I am going on a 7-week missions trip to a little group of islands, known as Hawaii. When most people think of missions, the first places that probably come to mind are Africa, East Asia, and maybe Mexico. Most people will equate missions with foreign, and when they hear Hawaii, they think vacation. I am not going anywhere foreign, and I am not going there for vacation. In fact, I am going to Hawaii to continue God's work.
Campus Crusade for Christ (http://campuscrusadeforchrist.com/) is a Christian
ministry that has been caring for college students since 1951. The Lord has used this ministry to help me grow in my faith and to give me a burden to reach people for Christ. This summer I have been blessed with the opportunity to further His kingdom by going to Hawaii with Epic, the Asian American branch of Campus Crusade for Christ. In order to build Christian ministries on campuses, we will be in Hawaii sharing our faith to locals. Because Hawaii is majority Asian, our cultural identity through Epic will hopefully resonate through locals of similar ethnicity. Weekly activities on this summer project may include beach evangelism, organizing weekly meetings, or having socials with students we meet throughout our stay.
When I learned about the need for students to go on this trip, I didn't jump at this opportunity as quickly as I should have. With future plans involving summer school and a job, I felt that I needed to dedicate my summer after my first year in college towards furthering my education. However, after attending an Epic conference this past February, God softened my heart by revealing my selfish ambitions and motives. I slowly began to realize that my plans for summer school were rooted in my lack of faith - my lack of faith that God would provide for me. I simply felt that going to summer school would stabilize my future. My life's purpose is not about succeeding in academics or getting ahead in school, but it is about furthering His kingdom by making disciples of all nations.
In order for me to go on this mission's trip, I need to develop a team of ministry partners...a group of people like you who would give to make my trip possible. As you might imagine raising the necessary funds will be one of my greatest steps of faith in preparation for the summer. I need a total of $4200 by June 20, which covers room and board for the summer as well as transportation. Would you prayerfully consider joining my team by contributing whatever amount the Lord leads you?
Above all else, I need your prayers as I reach out to the lost people of these islands. Please pray for me and my team, and thank you for considering a contribution to help me meet my goals. :)
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SO...if you'd like to support me financially, click here :)
$4200 is a lot of money and i would be lying if i said i wasnt worried. i have never had to raise this much money, but i know He will provide if it is truly in His will. i currently have $500 out of $4200 and will take anything i can get!
Monday, April 13, 2009
youre going..where?!
so, lots of answered prayers this weekend. praise God!
to start off, i went back to houston mainly to give out support letters to church friends and family friends. i had about 60 letters. i was pretty sure i wasnt going to get them all out, but oh well.. shoot for the moon.
i got back thursday night, and ended up sleeping until 2pm (before sleeping, i realized i left my laptop charger in SAN ANTONIO, but thank goodness donald was coming back on friday so he gave it to me that night at good friday service.) with no car, no laptop, and nothing to do, i just sat in my room reading my bible and praying. my mom also ended up giving me like 15 more names of family friends.
needless to say, i was a bit overwhelmed with all the letters i needed to give out, but that night at the good friday service, i managed to get more than half of them out. not only that, people i completely forgot about ended up asking me if i had one for them. i would pretend to look for it, then lie and say "oh i forgot it at home," then write their name down to give to them on sunday. i ended up adding like 20 more people to my monster support letter list.
on sunday i gave out all my letters but 5 and a sense of satisfaction and comfort just flew onto me. ive been really stressing about getting letters out and collecting support, but now that ive done my part, i know i can rely on God to take care of the rest.
oh and the reactions. almost everyone would say something along the lines of, "what? youre going to hawaii? thats a vacation! you dont need support!"
haha, but hey...people in hawaii need God too! this isnt a vacation! this is a missions trip! at least that what i keep telling myself
to start off, i went back to houston mainly to give out support letters to church friends and family friends. i had about 60 letters. i was pretty sure i wasnt going to get them all out, but oh well.. shoot for the moon.
i got back thursday night, and ended up sleeping until 2pm (before sleeping, i realized i left my laptop charger in SAN ANTONIO, but thank goodness donald was coming back on friday so he gave it to me that night at good friday service.) with no car, no laptop, and nothing to do, i just sat in my room reading my bible and praying. my mom also ended up giving me like 15 more names of family friends.
needless to say, i was a bit overwhelmed with all the letters i needed to give out, but that night at the good friday service, i managed to get more than half of them out. not only that, people i completely forgot about ended up asking me if i had one for them. i would pretend to look for it, then lie and say "oh i forgot it at home," then write their name down to give to them on sunday. i ended up adding like 20 more people to my monster support letter list.
on sunday i gave out all my letters but 5 and a sense of satisfaction and comfort just flew onto me. ive been really stressing about getting letters out and collecting support, but now that ive done my part, i know i can rely on God to take care of the rest.
oh and the reactions. almost everyone would say something along the lines of, "what? youre going to hawaii? thats a vacation! you dont need support!"
haha, but hey...people in hawaii need God too! this isnt a vacation! this is a missions trip! at least that what i keep telling myself
Friday, April 10, 2009
the goodness of friday
this was the first time going to a good friday service since i have entered the college life. it all felt so new and refreshing. for the first time i was thinking, "wow the orchestra and the choir are really amazing". i definitely would not have felt that way in high school.
while sitting and listening to the scripture readings and orchestra/choir, i was saddened by a verse that came to mind.
anyway, just a thought..
while sitting and listening to the scripture readings and orchestra/choir, i was saddened by a verse that came to mind.
For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing...isnt that sad? the crux and the driving force of our christian lives is simply a foolish fairy tale to the people in this world who dont believe. the hope that we find that gives our lives purpose is nonexistent in the person who sees this message as foolish.
1 Corinth. 1:18
anyway, just a thought..
Sunday, April 5, 2009
complete
there are a few things occurring in my life simultaneously that make my day/life feel complete.
1. bible in 90 days - i would say quiet time, but it's not quite the same. its reading 12 pages a day, which takes almost an hour to finish. going through the new testament at this pace is so refreshing. ive always had this fragmented understanding of the events that took place in the bible, but reading it straight through really changes your perspective and helps you to understand the big picture so much more. im in acts right now, and so far its my favorite book in the bible.
2. outreach - once a week we (epic/cru) go on the campus and evangelize to strangers using soularium. soularium is so helpful in initiating spiritual conversation, its amazing. i know it's the spirit working through us, but we havent had a "bad" one yet. everyone we've spoken to so far has been so open to hearing what we have to say. yesterday we talked to this one guy for about one and a half hours. in the end i asked if i could pray for him, and he said he felt "honored". after that, the rest of the day was pretty dull and unproductive, but i felt satisfied knowing that i had shared my faith with someone.
3. flossing - haha ok i am really bad with doing this daily, especially bc of the bar under my front row of teeth, i hate flossing through that. ive sort of made a vow with myself that i would start taking really good care of my teeth. this involves flossing daily and wearing my retainer daily. once i start flossing, i get really into it and it takes me a really long time. thank goodness my bleeding phase is over
4. taking good pictures - i went on a "photoshoot" with donald and loren today. i hate saying "photoshoot" bc it sounds professional and im not. but regardless, i went on top of the garage again and took some pictures of them. having pleasing pictures in my camera makes me feel satisfied, haha. i cant find my sd card reader so i cant upload them anywhere. argh!
1. bible in 90 days - i would say quiet time, but it's not quite the same. its reading 12 pages a day, which takes almost an hour to finish. going through the new testament at this pace is so refreshing. ive always had this fragmented understanding of the events that took place in the bible, but reading it straight through really changes your perspective and helps you to understand the big picture so much more. im in acts right now, and so far its my favorite book in the bible.
2. outreach - once a week we (epic/cru) go on the campus and evangelize to strangers using soularium. soularium is so helpful in initiating spiritual conversation, its amazing. i know it's the spirit working through us, but we havent had a "bad" one yet. everyone we've spoken to so far has been so open to hearing what we have to say. yesterday we talked to this one guy for about one and a half hours. in the end i asked if i could pray for him, and he said he felt "honored". after that, the rest of the day was pretty dull and unproductive, but i felt satisfied knowing that i had shared my faith with someone.
3. flossing - haha ok i am really bad with doing this daily, especially bc of the bar under my front row of teeth, i hate flossing through that. ive sort of made a vow with myself that i would start taking really good care of my teeth. this involves flossing daily and wearing my retainer daily. once i start flossing, i get really into it and it takes me a really long time. thank goodness my bleeding phase is over
4. taking good pictures - i went on a "photoshoot" with donald and loren today. i hate saying "photoshoot" bc it sounds professional and im not. but regardless, i went on top of the garage again and took some pictures of them. having pleasing pictures in my camera makes me feel satisfied, haha. i cant find my sd card reader so i cant upload them anywhere. argh!
Saturday, April 4, 2009
grace or disgrace?
there are certain things coming up that really make me question if a common understanding of grace is really a blaspheming God's name. that can be a little unsettling, but this is what ive come to ask myself...
are christians looking at their lives and seeing God's grace because it benefits them?
is God more gracious when our lives are made more comfortable, or when our future becomes more promising?
is God's grace being treated as a good luck charm?
are christians simply putting a christian label to something in order to find peace with God?
are christians looking at their lives and seeing God's grace because it benefits them?
is God more gracious when our lives are made more comfortable, or when our future becomes more promising?
is God's grace being treated as a good luck charm?
are christians simply putting a christian label to something in order to find peace with God?
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Remain in my love
i just heard a good message (again) by roderick on relationships and the importance of courtship. even though it was something that i've already heard and learned, it was good to hear this refreshing reminder. i think its so easy to compromise God's standards because of our fleeting feelings and emotions. while the idea of courtship isnt new to me, over time i find myself slipping into a worldly pursuit of a fairytail love.
the biggest reminder for me was that God is the only one who can meet our needs. often times we think everything will be fine once we are in that perfect relationship. but NO! God says to us, "only when you find complete joy and satisfaction in ME, will you be able to enjoy that relationship that i have planned for you. and trust me, true joy and satisfaction can be found ONLY in me."
my heart is a God-sized vacuum and only God can fill it.
the biggest reminder for me was that God is the only one who can meet our needs. often times we think everything will be fine once we are in that perfect relationship. but NO! God says to us, "only when you find complete joy and satisfaction in ME, will you be able to enjoy that relationship that i have planned for you. and trust me, true joy and satisfaction can be found ONLY in me."
9"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. 11I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.Just remain in His love so that our joy can be complete. remain in his love. remain in his love. remain in his love....remain in his love....remain in his love.
-John 15:9-11
my heart is a God-sized vacuum and only God can fill it.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
support raising
this process is really stressful and scary. i've never had to raise this much money (4200!!!), so pray for me that i can faithfully accomplish this and keep up with the checkpoint deadlines.
if you know me or have even heard of me, you will probably get a letter, just a heads up!
if you know me or have even heard of me, you will probably get a letter, just a heads up!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
rob bell books
i dont read very much, but lately ive been inspired to read a couple books. one being Sex God by rob bell. the funny thing is that i am more compelled to read it because of the cool designed cover. i dont even know what its about.
look at that cover. it looks so cool. i saw it barnes and it caught my eye instantly!
his other books look really cool too:
i hear he's pretty controversial, but i still like his cover art.
look at that cover. it looks so cool. i saw it barnes and it caught my eye instantly!
his other books look really cool too:
i hear he's pretty controversial, but i still like his cover art.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Roman Road
cru just started having this ev training every monday, and im excited. monday we went over the roman road. while i already know most of it, its a good reminder that we should have this memorized...
the reason: romans 3:10 (to yuma???)
no man is righteous, not even one.
the issue: romans 3:23
for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God
-nobody measures up to God. we have all sinned by "missing the mark".
the consequence: romans 6:23
for the wages of sin is death,
the good news:
but the gift of God is eternal life.
more good news:
romans 10:9-13
9That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. 11As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame."a]">[a] 12For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, 13for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."
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one thing i really like about campus crusade is its emphasis on evangelism. i think with all of the christian groups out there, its easy to get focused on personal growth, but that really isnt what we are called to do. while there is the element of our vertical relationship with Christ that needs to be "maintained", there is also the horizontal factor where we need to reach out to those around us. can you imagine what it would be like if Jesus only focused on his relationship with his Father?
the reason: romans 3:10 (to yuma???)
no man is righteous, not even one.
the issue: romans 3:23
for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God
-nobody measures up to God. we have all sinned by "missing the mark".
the consequence: romans 6:23
for the wages of sin is death,
the good news:
but the gift of God is eternal life.
more good news:
romans 10:9-13
9That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. 11As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame."a]">[a] 12For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, 13for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."
--------------------------------
one thing i really like about campus crusade is its emphasis on evangelism. i think with all of the christian groups out there, its easy to get focused on personal growth, but that really isnt what we are called to do. while there is the element of our vertical relationship with Christ that needs to be "maintained", there is also the horizontal factor where we need to reach out to those around us. can you imagine what it would be like if Jesus only focused on his relationship with his Father?
"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick... For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."so just reminding yall to find ways to reach out on your campuses! go and fulfill that great commission! go go go!
-Matthew 9:12-13
Sunday, March 22, 2009
LOVE
i really like talking about relationships for some reason. past couple days, i realized just how much i liked talking about relationships when i tried to make it the topic of our spontaneous late-night discussion. relationships just seem to be the default conversation, but i am starting to see how it negatively affects me.
we recently did a bible study in epic on ruth. the bible study demonstrated how God's love is so much greater than any love we can experience on earth. although we always hear about it, something about felt so strange. i studied it, i led it, and i found that i still couldnt find the ability to fully grasp it (not that i could ever "fully" grasp it). its just so abstract and out there. sometimes i act like i would be able to understand it after i meet someone who loves me in a romantic sense. but i know that isnt true. it would probably just be a hindrance in my walk and only cloud my vision of the only true love in my life.
despite what i know, i still find myself urging to pursue an earthly love. its not something i actively do, but like i realized in the past couple days, its something that comes natural to me. i like chick flicks, i like talking about relationships, and i like taylor swift (too much taylor swift is just damaging to the male's mind, anyones mind actually). i think ive gotten so used to finding entertainment in those aspects that it has watered down my view of love. that is probably why i find it so hard to truly appreciate the Love that i already have.
just by writing this note, i already find myself embracing what i have and relearning to appreciate it. hopefully this is something that continues to grow and doesnt fade after a short period.
we recently did a bible study in epic on ruth. the bible study demonstrated how God's love is so much greater than any love we can experience on earth. although we always hear about it, something about felt so strange. i studied it, i led it, and i found that i still couldnt find the ability to fully grasp it (not that i could ever "fully" grasp it). its just so abstract and out there. sometimes i act like i would be able to understand it after i meet someone who loves me in a romantic sense. but i know that isnt true. it would probably just be a hindrance in my walk and only cloud my vision of the only true love in my life.
despite what i know, i still find myself urging to pursue an earthly love. its not something i actively do, but like i realized in the past couple days, its something that comes natural to me. i like chick flicks, i like talking about relationships, and i like taylor swift (too much taylor swift is just damaging to the male's mind, anyones mind actually). i think ive gotten so used to finding entertainment in those aspects that it has watered down my view of love. that is probably why i find it so hard to truly appreciate the Love that i already have.
just by writing this note, i already find myself embracing what i have and relearning to appreciate it. hopefully this is something that continues to grow and doesnt fade after a short period.
Friday, March 20, 2009
photohunt
i havent been keeping up with my daily flickr uploads as much as i wish. this weekend i plan on taking all my lighting stuff on campus and i want to take some portraits using the sun as a light source. here are some random pictures that show what i want to do
source
source
source
completely random pictures that i found where the sunlight was used in the lighting. anyone want to be my subject? nothing fancy, just changing up the set up. ive never shot with more than one light source, so this will be my time to experiment!
wow its 4:35 am and i just got back from janies place, along with everyone else. we were all just talking in janies room asking random questions, questions pertaining to the opposite sex. the discussion never got serious, but still...fun times. i will miss this at ut. no more late night escapades to friends apartments and eating baked food and cooked noodles.
source
source
source
completely random pictures that i found where the sunlight was used in the lighting. anyone want to be my subject? nothing fancy, just changing up the set up. ive never shot with more than one light source, so this will be my time to experiment!
wow its 4:35 am and i just got back from janies place, along with everyone else. we were all just talking in janies room asking random questions, questions pertaining to the opposite sex. the discussion never got serious, but still...fun times. i will miss this at ut. no more late night escapades to friends apartments and eating baked food and cooked noodles.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
soularium aquarium
today marked the first day of my restarting of bible in 90 days. i started in the summer with church friends and pretty much gave up 2/3 of the way. i am making a vow to finish it this time!
next week we are going to start our campus evangelism again. after talking with the other leaders, we all agreed that is something that we need to keep up doing, not only because its good to reach out, but its good to practice sharing your faith with strangers. a lot of us are going on summer projects, so this will be good for us to prepare. with our spiritual growth class ending this week, it'll be a good thing to replace it. next wednesday we (hopefully most of epic) are going to practice soularium with each other. week after that, we will use it on random fish in the sea! i am excited
get it? fish in the sea? aquarium? ha ha ha
next week we are going to start our campus evangelism again. after talking with the other leaders, we all agreed that is something that we need to keep up doing, not only because its good to reach out, but its good to practice sharing your faith with strangers. a lot of us are going on summer projects, so this will be good for us to prepare. with our spiritual growth class ending this week, it'll be a good thing to replace it. next wednesday we (hopefully most of epic) are going to practice soularium with each other. week after that, we will use it on random fish in the sea! i am excited
get it? fish in the sea? aquarium? ha ha ha
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
i have decided..
that i will take my camera to class every day. i want to take pictures more. i will also only use the 50mm because it forces me to look harder
i realized today that i am really self conscious when i have my camera out. if it were a little point and shoot i'd be fine. but it is a big and bulky (well, not that big) dslr and i feel like everyone is looking at me if i carry it.
i realized today that i am really self conscious when i have my camera out. if it were a little point and shoot i'd be fine. but it is a big and bulky (well, not that big) dslr and i feel like everyone is looking at me if i carry it.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Three Places
besides through the Word, there are three places where i feel like God speaks to me almost every time i am there. 1) my shower at home, not in san antonio, 2) while driving on highway 59 when it is empty, and 3) the gym at utsa.
shower: there is something about the shower that is so calming, especially my shower at home because the water sprays so evenly and comfortably! when i am in there, i have nothing to do but clean myself and think about my life. those two activities work very well together because...well, i dont know why, but they just do. thoughts just come into my head while i am in the shower and thats usually when i decide to blog.
highway: an empty highway is so relaxing. the analogy of life being a highway is always so relevant. also, that is when the radio is on. i usually have nothing to do but listen. God speaks to me through song lyrics on the radio. that was a pretty bold statement, but i have found it true multiple times in my life.
the gym at utsa: i dont know why i think this. its only when im by myself that i notice thoughts coming into my head that seem to center around God. when i see people working out, it reminds me of how we are to build His body, and at the same time, help others to do so as well. building muscle is so analogous to building our spirituality.
dont get me wrong though. i am not claiming to have prophetic powers, and i am also not claiming that every thought in my head is from God. i have just come to realize that God uses those times, especially, to speak to me. and while i do not always hear God's voice speak to me, i know that those are times that i should cherish because of what i have realized.
shower: there is something about the shower that is so calming, especially my shower at home because the water sprays so evenly and comfortably! when i am in there, i have nothing to do but clean myself and think about my life. those two activities work very well together because...well, i dont know why, but they just do. thoughts just come into my head while i am in the shower and thats usually when i decide to blog.
highway: an empty highway is so relaxing. the analogy of life being a highway is always so relevant. also, that is when the radio is on. i usually have nothing to do but listen. God speaks to me through song lyrics on the radio. that was a pretty bold statement, but i have found it true multiple times in my life.
the gym at utsa: i dont know why i think this. its only when im by myself that i notice thoughts coming into my head that seem to center around God. when i see people working out, it reminds me of how we are to build His body, and at the same time, help others to do so as well. building muscle is so analogous to building our spirituality.
dont get me wrong though. i am not claiming to have prophetic powers, and i am also not claiming that every thought in my head is from God. i have just come to realize that God uses those times, especially, to speak to me. and while i do not always hear God's voice speak to me, i know that those are times that i should cherish because of what i have realized.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
twitter? tumblr? bloggr? God?
i have so many forms of blogs now. i'll admit, i like staying connected...with everyone..all the time. but now im starting to feel a bit bombarded with all this communication.
with all these forms of interaction, i feel like all my communication has been getting reduced to a twit message. ive found that i will think something along the lines of, "i'll just twit this!" or "i'll blog about it" and then i find that i dismiss the conversational aspect of this interaction. we lose the special moment we usually gain when we tell someone the exciting moment that just made our day. that special moment gets diluted to the text message received from twitter, tumblr, or even blogger. i am not saying they are bad things to have, but when having so many mediums for communication, we put ourselves in the center of attention, and we lose the conversational aspect of it.
while writing this, i realized that this is how my prayer life has been like. with all these mediums for talking to God, i forget about the conversational aspect. God is not only there to listen to all our requests, worries, and trivial matters - he isn't a good luck charm. it's not about us, its about Him. as much as God likes hearing our prayers, He likes to talk to us. God's voice isnt a loud booming aslan type sound that comes from the sky after a scary thunder storm. he speaks through the crackling of a burning bush, the little whisper in the wind, or even through the melody of our favorite song.
dont get my wrong though, im not bashing all these internet sites. they all have awesome uses and i think plenty of people are using them for good. sometimes i just feel overwhelmed though
with all these forms of interaction, i feel like all my communication has been getting reduced to a twit message. ive found that i will think something along the lines of, "i'll just twit this!" or "i'll blog about it" and then i find that i dismiss the conversational aspect of this interaction. we lose the special moment we usually gain when we tell someone the exciting moment that just made our day. that special moment gets diluted to the text message received from twitter, tumblr, or even blogger. i am not saying they are bad things to have, but when having so many mediums for communication, we put ourselves in the center of attention, and we lose the conversational aspect of it.
while writing this, i realized that this is how my prayer life has been like. with all these mediums for talking to God, i forget about the conversational aspect. God is not only there to listen to all our requests, worries, and trivial matters - he isn't a good luck charm. it's not about us, its about Him. as much as God likes hearing our prayers, He likes to talk to us. God's voice isnt a loud booming aslan type sound that comes from the sky after a scary thunder storm. he speaks through the crackling of a burning bush, the little whisper in the wind, or even through the melody of our favorite song.
God is in heaven and you are on earth. therefore let your words be few. Ecc. 5:2i need to think of ways to keep my words few, in life and in spirituallity.
dont get my wrong though, im not bashing all these internet sites. they all have awesome uses and i think plenty of people are using them for good. sometimes i just feel overwhelmed though
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
C-C
ive been learning a lot this year. thats a paraphrase of my intro to my ut essay. more specifically, the idea of "Christ-centered" is becoming clearer as i begin to experience it for the first time. Cc, not only in my friendships, but in my life.
what does Christ centered mean? ive always had a very vague and skeletal image of CC, but im beginning to see what it can consist of. its so easy to look at a relationship and proclaim its Cc because you guys go to church together, talk about Jesus every once in awhile, and when youre feeling REALLY spiritual, you guys even pray together.
while those are attributes of a Cc relationship, i would say that is just a glimpse of what is required of a Cc relationship (besides church). my accountability group and i were talking about what it means to have a Cc relationship. in my opinion, a Cc relationship is a relationship that resembles Christ in ALL aspects of your life. this can be by continually spurring one another on to seek after Him (As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17), at the same time, being fully dependent on God, not dependent on each other. by having this dependence and central relationship on God, i believe it will resemble Gods unconditional love towards us.
but of course, easier said than done. that doesnt mean we cant strive for it though! i wish i had more scripture references...
what does Christ centered mean? ive always had a very vague and skeletal image of CC, but im beginning to see what it can consist of. its so easy to look at a relationship and proclaim its Cc because you guys go to church together, talk about Jesus every once in awhile, and when youre feeling REALLY spiritual, you guys even pray together.
while those are attributes of a Cc relationship, i would say that is just a glimpse of what is required of a Cc relationship (besides church). my accountability group and i were talking about what it means to have a Cc relationship. in my opinion, a Cc relationship is a relationship that resembles Christ in ALL aspects of your life. this can be by continually spurring one another on to seek after Him (As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17), at the same time, being fully dependent on God, not dependent on each other. by having this dependence and central relationship on God, i believe it will resemble Gods unconditional love towards us.
but of course, easier said than done. that doesnt mean we cant strive for it though! i wish i had more scripture references...
Sunday, March 1, 2009
home
i cant wait to go home! i am a little homesick. when i see pictures of people at church i wish i was there! here are some pictures of my family and friends..its so weird looking at these pictures of everyone before college started. we were completely different people at the moment these pictures were taken...well, for me at least. i know i have changed a lot since college
bellaire prom!
daniels grad party at JINFU. utsa, utsa, utsa, ut, utsa
rice, trinity, utsa utsa, ut, ut, atm, uh
mom and ava after my graduation. this was at maggianos
robin sabrina and ava
family after graduation
two roadrunners
my church family at bellaire graduation.
omg uploading pictures is a PAIN! i want to upload more, but this is too much work. i miss everyone, goodbye!
bellaire prom!
daniels grad party at JINFU. utsa, utsa, utsa, ut, utsa
rice, trinity, utsa utsa, ut, ut, atm, uh
mom and ava after my graduation. this was at maggianos
robin sabrina and ava
family after graduation
two roadrunners
my church family at bellaire graduation.
omg uploading pictures is a PAIN! i want to upload more, but this is too much work. i miss everyone, goodbye!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
coffee
i drank coffee tonight and i thought it was pretty weak bc it tasted like milk, but i was wrong. i am all shaky now and i have butterflies like no other. its actually a great feeling.
its like im excited about nothing. these butterflies in my stomach make me anxious for something, something that i cant put a finger on. i dont know what, but it is..refreshing.
i wish i felt like this more. because my mind is all over the place, i just felt the urge to read my bible. the excitement from the coffee makes me excited to read God's word.
how awesome is that.
many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the Lords PURPOSE that prevails.
how EXCITING is that?!
humility comes before honor...how have you been humbled recently?
i am so wired right now.
its like im excited about nothing. these butterflies in my stomach make me anxious for something, something that i cant put a finger on. i dont know what, but it is..refreshing.
i wish i felt like this more. because my mind is all over the place, i just felt the urge to read my bible. the excitement from the coffee makes me excited to read God's word.
how awesome is that.
many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the Lords PURPOSE that prevails.
how EXCITING is that?!
humility comes before honor...how have you been humbled recently?
i am so wired right now.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Matthew 5:3
i get so frustrated with myself sometimes. i get frustrated when i feel inadequate...it is one of the most helpless feelings out there.
some time between after writing the previous post and now, i started listening to a matt chandler podcast on luke. he was talking about the beatitudes, specifically about being poor in spirit. ive had a rough idea of what that means, but im starting to understand it more.
poor in spirit is where God wants us.
but poor in spirit doesn't mean that we are to stay poor in spirit. at the bottem of the pit, you must go up. being poor in spirit is a state that requires action. action to pursue a loving God, despite the sins that seem to cloud our pursuit of God.
sitting around and moping about our sins is where the devil wants us.
some time between after writing the previous post and now, i started listening to a matt chandler podcast on luke. he was talking about the beatitudes, specifically about being poor in spirit. ive had a rough idea of what that means, but im starting to understand it more.
being poor in spirit is feeling inadequate compared to the glory of God. it's feeling like there's nothing you could possibly do or not do to fully exemplify the presence of God in your life. blessed are those who feel unworthy to be in the presence of the Lord.Matthew 5:3 (New International Version)
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
poor in spirit is where God wants us.
but poor in spirit doesn't mean that we are to stay poor in spirit. at the bottem of the pit, you must go up. being poor in spirit is a state that requires action. action to pursue a loving God, despite the sins that seem to cloud our pursuit of God.
sitting around and moping about our sins is where the devil wants us.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Gaurding a Womens Heart
we always hear about how girls can protect guys by dressing modestly, etc. the reason for that is because guys are visual creatures and so guys like to....visualize. but how come we dont hear about how guys can protect girls' hearts? girls really arent as visual as guys are, so dressing modestly for guys doesnt quite have the same impact on girls.
girls seemed to be more attracted to guys who are nice, guys who are gentlemen...guys who just simply know how to treat a women. this really gets a girl going..eh eh eh?? the way guys are initially attracted to a girl by looks is the same way girls are attracted to guys by their personalities.
but we, as men, need to protect the hearts of our fellow sisters in Christ. we cannot, and will not, allow our sisters to have their hearts broken into pieces, over and over again. ladies, we are here to protect your hearts, we care about you. you will no longer fall into sin by the captivating personalities of the gentlemen you have all fantasized about. there is only one way we can do this.
by showing that we really care about their hearts, we must act like we dont care about them. in order to protect the hearts of our sisters in Christ, we can no longer lead them to temptation by being nice and chivalrous. we must lead them to Christ, not nice guys. we must act now...no more mr. nice guy. this is a call to be jerks to all women, in hope that women will not be led astray by the dangerous men out there. stop being nice, stop opening doors for them, and no more paying for their food.
just think of the difference it would make in our world. girls wont fall for a guy who is nice and chivalrous..only to get her heart broken weeks later, instead christian girls all over will be developing deeper relationships with their girl friends and fellowshipping with one another. the true intentions of men who act like jerks to the women will begin to surface, and girls will see that the men who really care about them are the ones who protect their hearts. show that you care about them by showing that you dont care about them. this renovation of the heart will change the lives of christian women all over the world.
men...we must act now.
a womens heart is beautiful. lets keep it that way.
---------------------------
*contrary to popular misunderstanding, i do not condone this message..only for some. jk!
girls seemed to be more attracted to guys who are nice, guys who are gentlemen...guys who just simply know how to treat a women. this really gets a girl going..eh eh eh?? the way guys are initially attracted to a girl by looks is the same way girls are attracted to guys by their personalities.
but we, as men, need to protect the hearts of our fellow sisters in Christ. we cannot, and will not, allow our sisters to have their hearts broken into pieces, over and over again. ladies, we are here to protect your hearts, we care about you. you will no longer fall into sin by the captivating personalities of the gentlemen you have all fantasized about. there is only one way we can do this.
by showing that we really care about their hearts, we must act like we dont care about them. in order to protect the hearts of our sisters in Christ, we can no longer lead them to temptation by being nice and chivalrous. we must lead them to Christ, not nice guys. we must act now...no more mr. nice guy. this is a call to be jerks to all women, in hope that women will not be led astray by the dangerous men out there. stop being nice, stop opening doors for them, and no more paying for their food.
just think of the difference it would make in our world. girls wont fall for a guy who is nice and chivalrous..only to get her heart broken weeks later, instead christian girls all over will be developing deeper relationships with their girl friends and fellowshipping with one another. the true intentions of men who act like jerks to the women will begin to surface, and girls will see that the men who really care about them are the ones who protect their hearts. show that you care about them by showing that you dont care about them. this renovation of the heart will change the lives of christian women all over the world.
men...we must act now.
a womens heart is beautiful. lets keep it that way.
---------------------------
*contrary to popular misunderstanding, i do not condone this message..only for some. jk!
Monday, February 16, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
in 10 seans
i feel like i need to get some stuff out so i'll just blog about it. im having one of those moments where i feel like i want to pour my soul out. at the same time, i cant think of any words to describe what i want to say.
sort of OT (off topic..i learned that on a forum ive been reading!), but i'll talk about something i've been thinking about since the conference...not so much a soul-pouring moment, but here it goes. one thing ive been struggling with is having a Christ-centered life. i know we need it, but ive been trying to figure out what i would change in my life to make it more Christ-centered. its hard for me to say something in my life is NOT Cc (my new abbreviation, it'll be popular some day), so it's been hard for me to discern what i need to change in my life.
alex shared about an area in his life that i felt resonated with mine. while sharing in epic about what we learned from the conference, he talked about how he feels that he has different intentions with different friends. for example, i'll eat lunch with this friend..i'll work out with this friend..i'll be goofy with this friend..and it'll be spiritual with this friend. i definitely do this and i think its a pattern we all fall into. it isnt Christ-like. Jesus didnt have that mindset at all, he ate and hung out with the his disciples, beggars, prostitutes, and the unwanted. he didnt say "i'll talk about my glory to these people, but with those people, i'll just have fun." if we want to be Christ-like with our friends, then we need to have the SAME intentions with all of them, and that is to share about the gospel of Jesus Christ. but of course, there are different approaches to doing this for different people, so use discernment!
stay tuned until i find a way to articulate what i truly wanted to say!
(in 10 seans = intentions...hehe get it...?)
sort of OT (off topic..i learned that on a forum ive been reading!), but i'll talk about something i've been thinking about since the conference...not so much a soul-pouring moment, but here it goes. one thing ive been struggling with is having a Christ-centered life. i know we need it, but ive been trying to figure out what i would change in my life to make it more Christ-centered. its hard for me to say something in my life is NOT Cc (my new abbreviation, it'll be popular some day), so it's been hard for me to discern what i need to change in my life.
alex shared about an area in his life that i felt resonated with mine. while sharing in epic about what we learned from the conference, he talked about how he feels that he has different intentions with different friends. for example, i'll eat lunch with this friend..i'll work out with this friend..i'll be goofy with this friend..and it'll be spiritual with this friend. i definitely do this and i think its a pattern we all fall into. it isnt Christ-like. Jesus didnt have that mindset at all, he ate and hung out with the his disciples, beggars, prostitutes, and the unwanted. he didnt say "i'll talk about my glory to these people, but with those people, i'll just have fun." if we want to be Christ-like with our friends, then we need to have the SAME intentions with all of them, and that is to share about the gospel of Jesus Christ. but of course, there are different approaches to doing this for different people, so use discernment!
stay tuned until i find a way to articulate what i truly wanted to say!
(in 10 seans = intentions...hehe get it...?)
Thursday, February 12, 2009
two-do list
i need to be productive this weekend!
1. work on essays for UT
2. wash clothes
i need someone to remind me to do these things! i learned another valuable lesson the other day.
valuable lesson #2. dont wait until you run out of underwear* to wash your clothes:
i went the whole day thinking i was on my last pair. i told myself i would wash my clothes that night, but i never did. thought ran through my mind, such as, "how many different ways can i wear my underwear? 2? 3?...4?" it wasnt until the next day that i saw three pairs of underwear hidden under a tshirt in my drawer. i was so relieved that i could wait at least 3 more days to do laundry!
this leads me to my next lesson.
valuable lesson #3. have an emergency stash of underwear and hide it where you wont find it:
this is sort of like a savings account. you put money into an account and you just leave it there for when you might desperately need it. underwear, like money, needs to be saved in a safe place where you wont touch it until you desperately need it. or when you run out of underwear and you think the world is coming to end. thats when you remember your emergency stash of underwear that will last you a good 3+ days... depending on how you wear them.
stay tuned for more valuable lessons with sean
(*underwear means boxers. i do not wear whitey tighties. i wear BOXERS!! rwar!!)
sigh...i need to grow up. i cant believe i wrote a whole blog about my underwear experience. this was supposed to be a to-do list for things..
1. work on essays for UT
2. wash clothes
i need someone to remind me to do these things! i learned another valuable lesson the other day.
valuable lesson #2. dont wait until you run out of underwear* to wash your clothes:
i went the whole day thinking i was on my last pair. i told myself i would wash my clothes that night, but i never did. thought ran through my mind, such as, "how many different ways can i wear my underwear? 2? 3?...4?" it wasnt until the next day that i saw three pairs of underwear hidden under a tshirt in my drawer. i was so relieved that i could wait at least 3 more days to do laundry!
this leads me to my next lesson.
valuable lesson #3. have an emergency stash of underwear and hide it where you wont find it:
this is sort of like a savings account. you put money into an account and you just leave it there for when you might desperately need it. underwear, like money, needs to be saved in a safe place where you wont touch it until you desperately need it. or when you run out of underwear and you think the world is coming to end. thats when you remember your emergency stash of underwear that will last you a good 3+ days... depending on how you wear them.
stay tuned for more valuable lessons with sean
(*underwear means boxers. i do not wear whitey tighties. i wear BOXERS!! rwar!!)
sigh...i need to grow up. i cant believe i wrote a whole blog about my underwear experience. this was supposed to be a to-do list for things..
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
a valuable lesson
i learned a valuable lesson today. dont skip your classes, its not worth it! i bet you've never heard that one. today i decided i would skip my macroeconomics class to go to guitar center with kai. i get a call/text from donald/loren telling me there is probably going to be a quiz. i end up freaking out and stressing the whole time, thinking that i should have just gone to class. when i got back i found out the quiz will be next week, instead. phew...i am a new person now.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
a new excitement
at the epic conference i decided that i want to forget summer school and instead go on a summer project in hawaii with Epic. i REALLY want to go! however, i need to pray about this and see if this is how God wants me to spend 7 weeks of my summer. i also need to keep in mind that it isn't a VACATION, but it is work for the Lord.
working for the Lord...in hawaii. how awesome would that be...
working for the Lord...in hawaii. how awesome would that be...
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
spiritual growth
so ive been in this spiritual growth class that kyumin, pastor of hana church and, i guess, sponsor of epic, is teaching. so far it has been great. we just learned about the role of the church and 7 principles of spiritual growth.
1. spiritual growth does not come naturally or automatically, you have to be intentional and INTEND to grow.
2. spiritual growth is incremental. it is not instantaneous like from after a conference or retreat.
3. spiritual growth is practical. the myth is that growth comes from a supernatural experience.
4. spiritual growth is relational. we need to be in the community of others, we cant do it by ourselves.
1. spiritual growth does not come naturally or automatically, you have to be intentional and INTEND to grow.
2. spiritual growth is incremental. it is not instantaneous like from after a conference or retreat.
3. spiritual growth is practical. the myth is that growth comes from a supernatural experience.
4. spiritual growth is relational. we need to be in the community of others, we cant do it by ourselves.
Hebrews 10:24-25
24And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 25Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
5. spiritual growth is multidemensional in:
nature - myth: growth is measured by what i know.
disciplines - it doesnt happen just by attending church.
location - myth: growth is how you act at church.
purpose -
6. spiritual growth is seasonal. it is not constant, it happens in waves or bursts. theres the analogy of winter/spring. in the winter, the roots of plants deepen so that in spring it can grow. us, like plants, experience dryness during different periods of our lives, but we need to deepen our roots through these experiences so that we can grow when the time comes.
7. spiritual growth is incarnational. it cant happen by just trying harder.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Joshua 5:13-14
through a recent bible study, ive been starting to understand an aspect of God that we seem to neglect. i think we throw around this idea of Gods grace so much that we forget what it really is. we get so caught up in the idea of Gods grace benefiting us that we forget what it is really about. im not a theologian or expert on anything in the bible, but i can say it is so easy for us to center our relationship with God solely on ourselves. we look at everything in our lives only from our point of view say things like, "God did that so that i could do this" or "God is doing this right now so that i can realize this". im not saying God doesnt use circumstances in our lives to reveal things to us, but i think God uses circumstances in our lives to reveal much bigger things, for instance, his glory. when we reflect on what God is doing based on our benefit, we are making ourselves the focal point of our relationship and we make God seem like a good luck charm.
joshua realized the same thing when he was confronted by God and asked the question, "are you for us or for our enemies?"
joshua is basically asking, "are you on my side?" and when joshua realizes that he is asking the wrong question, he falls to his face. in the same way we act like God comes in our lives so that we can benefit different circumstances here and there, but in reality, our existence is to glorify God and worship Him everything we do. that is something ive been realizing it's one way God has been changing my perspective. we do this when we pray also. we ask God to do this and that for us, we make ourselves the focus and just leave out the will of God. instead of focusing our prayers on our needs/desires, we to change our focus to desire the will of God. that is something i have been learning and trying to change in my life.
joshua realized the same thing when he was confronted by God and asked the question, "are you for us or for our enemies?"
Joshua went up to him and asked, "Are you for us or for our enemies?" 14 "Neither," he replied, "but as commander of the army of the LORD I have now come." Then Joshua fell facedown to the ground in reverence...
joshua is basically asking, "are you on my side?" and when joshua realizes that he is asking the wrong question, he falls to his face. in the same way we act like God comes in our lives so that we can benefit different circumstances here and there, but in reality, our existence is to glorify God and worship Him everything we do. that is something ive been realizing it's one way God has been changing my perspective. we do this when we pray also. we ask God to do this and that for us, we make ourselves the focus and just leave out the will of God. instead of focusing our prayers on our needs/desires, we to change our focus to desire the will of God. that is something i have been learning and trying to change in my life.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
one of those days
have you ever had one of those days where every little thing annoyed you? well today was that day. i couldnt stand it. i was getting so annoyed at every little thing. i could probably look at the way you tied your shoes and think "eugh so annoying". im glad today is over, but it ended well. epic was pretty good tonight and the bible study went pretty well. we had lots of people today. the bible study was on joshua defeating the jericho wall and how the Israelite's dealt with an impossible task by 1) meeting with God (joshua meets with God), 2) submitting to the will of God (joshua falls face first in reverance to God), and 3) obeying God in the details.
im excited for the conference! caaaaaantt waiiiiittttt. TGITh!
im excited for the conference! caaaaaantt waiiiiittttt. TGITh!
Monday, January 26, 2009
ay yam what i yam. y?
im starting to understand why i like to do what i like to do. i have a weird combination of things that i like to do or i liked to do, and out of no where im starting to see a connection.
i used to like cutting grass (to a very limited extent), but i did like doing it at one point in my life.
when i was in middle school i used to like "modifying" my computer, which involved putting cold cathode florescent lights inside my computer case, and other random things. it was super dorky, but all my friends did it so i did too.
i now like to cut peoples hair. its weird, but ive been cutting my own hair since like 9th grade and i had fun doing it. its like sculpting your head, or like when gardners cut their bushes into really cool shapes. lately ive been telling people to just let me cut their hair. three people, kevin, kai, and ryan, are willing to let me cut their hair. kevin is a regular customer of mine.
and now ive liked photography for some time. im starting to understand why i like it and thats how ive come to see what all my other hobbies have in common. my interest in photography, i think, comes from my desire for change. changing something from bad to good, good to better, or just changing something for no reason at all. i think a true photographer is someone who can take an outwardly normal appearing situation, person, place, or thing, and make it look beautiful. beautiful isnt always the right word though, maybe more like abnormal or surreal. whatever the word is, change takes place when a photographer makes something normal look abnormal, and thats why i like taking pictures. this is also why ive wanted to do design for so long, but i dont really know if im still pursuing that or not. i used to think design was the only field where you get to design stuff and use your creativity while trying to make something look good, but im starting to see that you can do this in other fields, as well.
so maybe thats why i liked cutting grass, modding my computer, oh and pokemon too. pokemon change
i used to like cutting grass (to a very limited extent), but i did like doing it at one point in my life.
when i was in middle school i used to like "modifying" my computer, which involved putting cold cathode florescent lights inside my computer case, and other random things. it was super dorky, but all my friends did it so i did too.
i now like to cut peoples hair. its weird, but ive been cutting my own hair since like 9th grade and i had fun doing it. its like sculpting your head, or like when gardners cut their bushes into really cool shapes. lately ive been telling people to just let me cut their hair. three people, kevin, kai, and ryan, are willing to let me cut their hair. kevin is a regular customer of mine.
and now ive liked photography for some time. im starting to understand why i like it and thats how ive come to see what all my other hobbies have in common. my interest in photography, i think, comes from my desire for change. changing something from bad to good, good to better, or just changing something for no reason at all. i think a true photographer is someone who can take an outwardly normal appearing situation, person, place, or thing, and make it look beautiful. beautiful isnt always the right word though, maybe more like abnormal or surreal. whatever the word is, change takes place when a photographer makes something normal look abnormal, and thats why i like taking pictures. this is also why ive wanted to do design for so long, but i dont really know if im still pursuing that or not. i used to think design was the only field where you get to design stuff and use your creativity while trying to make something look good, but im starting to see that you can do this in other fields, as well.
so maybe thats why i liked cutting grass, modding my computer, oh and pokemon too. pokemon change
ive been praying for patience in a certain area of my life and i really feel like God has given me opportunity again and again to really help me grow. i am glad for this and really see God working in me through these situations.
if you ever get the chance to just sit and read through ecclesiastes, you should really do it. the simplicity of the words are so straightforward, yet so profound.
if you ever get the chance to just sit and read through ecclesiastes, you should really do it. the simplicity of the words are so straightforward, yet so profound.
The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride. Ecclesiastes 7:8
Friday, January 16, 2009
random update
we had a prayer meeting tonight for the first time at our place and im so excited about it for the future! id say it went pretty well and it was definitely a good time to hear how other people are doing. i see lots of opportunities for God to work in us this semester and im PUMPED!
i got two packages in the mail today and i was so happy. my happiness didnt last long when i found out my guitar strap didnt fit my guitar because of this stupid "locking mechanism" which is just a piece of plastic and a tiny hole that probably doesnt fit ANY guitar strap holders. sigh, i should have known. then i found out i didnt get the wireless triggers for my flash yet so i cant use any of the umbrella/stands i got.
i dont have class on fridays, tomorrow is friday, monday is mlk, and im going back to houston. 4 DAY WEEKEND! i actually dont want to go to houston, im just going because EVERYONE here is leaving! sigh. back to my boring house with no car, no heater, and just my laptop. at least i will get to see people before they start school on tuesday.
awesome picture of me and loren in macro
i got two packages in the mail today and i was so happy. my happiness didnt last long when i found out my guitar strap didnt fit my guitar because of this stupid "locking mechanism" which is just a piece of plastic and a tiny hole that probably doesnt fit ANY guitar strap holders. sigh, i should have known. then i found out i didnt get the wireless triggers for my flash yet so i cant use any of the umbrella/stands i got.
i dont have class on fridays, tomorrow is friday, monday is mlk, and im going back to houston. 4 DAY WEEKEND! i actually dont want to go to houston, im just going because EVERYONE here is leaving! sigh. back to my boring house with no car, no heater, and just my laptop. at least i will get to see people before they start school on tuesday.
awesome picture of me and loren in macro
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